Post by BKay Jewelers on Sept 22, 2017 10:26:50 GMT -6
The following descriptions should not be read if you have any problems with panic, stress, or anxiety.
God, when and where do I start? Hopefully in the next paragraph.
Tier 1 - The Wise Guys (SAT 1440+ & ACT 31+)
[Estimated GM Score: 4.5+]
Known for their witty wise-cracks and good sim league teams, these guys stand above the rest. No one cares about compliments so these profiles will be shorter.
Ankly – If this guy isn’t smart, he sure is quick. Lucked into his team, but you need luck to get it but skill to keep it going. This year will be a big test for Ank, if he performs poorly he could go from being a “Wise Guy” to a “Smart Cookie” pretty quickly.
Heebs – I guess I have to rank him here because his team has been good since I’ve joined the league. He always has a keen awareness of not only what his team needs, but what other teams are about to fall apart. Good guy, too.
20s – He is commissioner.
Pete – Probably the most under-rated smart guy in the league, plays it a little under the collar but his humor is often very subtle, and very hilarious.
Tier 2 – The Smart Cookies (SAT 1290+ & ACT 27+)
[Estimated GM Score: 3.5+]
These guys often have an elite characteristic in one subject that allows their score to be higher, but often have an Achilles heel that keep them from being elite. No one cares about compliments so these profiles will be shorter.
Timpig – Really nice guy, but isn’t good “at computers”. Easily trolled. If I had to make a GM the godfather of my child though, he would be it. Builds a mean team though, even if he didn’t even lube SPL up first before the deal to get Dunn.
GBG – Isn’t around a lot, but is always well thought out in mafia games and plays pretty well. His weaknesses are making fun of poor people, and voting for me all the time.
Fason – Would be ranked in Tier 1 if he didn’t refuse such good offers from me all the time. As I experience these various rejections, I think to myself “Why couldn’t the Buffalo Bills just win one Super Bowl?”
SugarShaun – I don’t know why I’m ranking him this high, but it seems wrong to put him any lower.
Tier 3 - Average Joes (SAT 1050+ & ACT 21+)
[Estimated GM Score: 2.5+]
Most American’s consider themselves to be above average.
Fecta – Vegan. Doesn’t know what integrity means.
Taco – Nice guy. That’s why he is ranked this high.
Soup – Begrudgingly, I have to rank soup this high. Talking to soup is more mind-numbing than the Winter Olympics. But just as Rome underestimated the brute strength of barbarians and homosexuality, I mistakenly assumed soup was harmless.
Duc – Who tf is this guy?
Delap – Something Something Joseph Smith.
Odin – Seems like he could be ranked higher if he applied himself. However, just as Rome learned that gay people with swords could destroy any society, Odin learns that addiction to the vile weed can consume one’s life.
SPL – Coaches softball. Actually loves his kids.
JHB - Should've been ranked higher. So, if JHB hadn't fucked everything up, then we could celebrate the real meaning of Christmas. It's like what Alexander the Great said after he conquered the world "I am so glad that Christ hasn't been born yet." Too bad JHB can't say the same.
Tier 4 – Needs improvement (SAT 880+ & ACT 16+)
[Estimated GM Score: 1.5+]
These GMs aren’t dumb but have some serious mental errors that makes me have to assign them as clearly below-average.
Majic – Everyone loves Majic, but the guy just PMed me his bids for FA Day 5.
Yawn – Likes Pitt.
Tier 5 – Poor
Bankz – Next time you think about making fun of a poor person like Bankz, you should imagine yourself saying it in front of him. It might hurt his feelings, and a poor person like Bankz can’t just buy a trampoline to feel better. I will now analyze the lyrics of “Black Dog” from the Led Zeppelin IV album. You’re about to see some of the most confusing lyrics ever written by man. I give Robert Plant credit for trying to weave several metaphors together, but it doesn’t work. Much like a lawnmower without gas doesn’t work. Or Bankz. Trying to recover from a conversation with Bankz takes more time than getting over the jarring effects of a testicular punch that only I can deliver.
Hey hey, mama said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.
Like I said, confusing. Art must be interpreted in order to be art. If it has no real interpretation then it’s art’s distant cousin, shit. My best guess here is that Plant is pretending to be a game of basketball. Interesting idea, but it fails. Yes, basketball games require the woman to move, and she will probably sweat, but groove? Plant really “double-dribbles” with this verse.
Oh oh, child, way you shake that thing, gonna make you burn, gonna make you sting.
Again, Plant is not content with his human form and decides to be a wasp in this verse. Notice how he says “Shake that thing”. Obviously, wasps don’t like it when humans “shake” around, so they “sting” and “burn” us. But “that thing” is too ambiguous. What is she shaking? A hand? A fly swatter? We don’t know, and neither does Plant, apparently.
Hey hey, baby, when you walk that way, watch your honey drop, can’t keep away.
Ok, this is where things get confounding. Now Plant is tired of assuming non-human shapes, so he assign a form to a woman. This time she’s a honey comb. Unfortunately, while “dripping honey” is “sweet”, so sweet that you “can’t keep away”, honey combs don’t walk in any kind of way. Sometimes they can swing, though, when they’re hanging from branches and the wind blows.
The other lines are either boring or not descriptive but I have to tackle this one:
I don’t know but I been told, a big-legged woman ain’t got no soul.
Big mistake: he doesn’t tell us where he got this information. He claims he has “been told”, but not sources are provided. This isn’t very scientific, not to mention rude. We want to know, you bastard. Plus, even if he does have a verified source, what do legs have to do with souls? Everyone knows that your soul is in your small intestine. So here, we have two gigantic mistakes: unscientific analysis and failure to recognize modern anatomy.
It's back to school for Robert Plant.
Not listed: People that are new, People I don’t give a shit/forgot about, Robots
God, when and where do I start? Hopefully in the next paragraph.
Tier 1 - The Wise Guys (SAT 1440+ & ACT 31+)
[Estimated GM Score: 4.5+]
Known for their witty wise-cracks and good sim league teams, these guys stand above the rest. No one cares about compliments so these profiles will be shorter.
Ankly – If this guy isn’t smart, he sure is quick. Lucked into his team, but you need luck to get it but skill to keep it going. This year will be a big test for Ank, if he performs poorly he could go from being a “Wise Guy” to a “Smart Cookie” pretty quickly.
Heebs – I guess I have to rank him here because his team has been good since I’ve joined the league. He always has a keen awareness of not only what his team needs, but what other teams are about to fall apart. Good guy, too.
20s – He is commissioner.
Pete – Probably the most under-rated smart guy in the league, plays it a little under the collar but his humor is often very subtle, and very hilarious.
Tier 2 – The Smart Cookies (SAT 1290+ & ACT 27+)
[Estimated GM Score: 3.5+]
These guys often have an elite characteristic in one subject that allows their score to be higher, but often have an Achilles heel that keep them from being elite. No one cares about compliments so these profiles will be shorter.
Timpig – Really nice guy, but isn’t good “at computers”. Easily trolled. If I had to make a GM the godfather of my child though, he would be it. Builds a mean team though, even if he didn’t even lube SPL up first before the deal to get Dunn.
GBG – Isn’t around a lot, but is always well thought out in mafia games and plays pretty well. His weaknesses are making fun of poor people, and voting for me all the time.
Fason – Would be ranked in Tier 1 if he didn’t refuse such good offers from me all the time. As I experience these various rejections, I think to myself “Why couldn’t the Buffalo Bills just win one Super Bowl?”
SugarShaun – I don’t know why I’m ranking him this high, but it seems wrong to put him any lower.
Tier 3 - Average Joes (SAT 1050+ & ACT 21+)
[Estimated GM Score: 2.5+]
Most American’s consider themselves to be above average.
Fecta – Vegan. Doesn’t know what integrity means.
Taco – Nice guy. That’s why he is ranked this high.
Soup – Begrudgingly, I have to rank soup this high. Talking to soup is more mind-numbing than the Winter Olympics. But just as Rome underestimated the brute strength of barbarians and homosexuality, I mistakenly assumed soup was harmless.
Duc – Who tf is this guy?
Delap – Something Something Joseph Smith.
Odin – Seems like he could be ranked higher if he applied himself. However, just as Rome learned that gay people with swords could destroy any society, Odin learns that addiction to the vile weed can consume one’s life.
SPL – Coaches softball. Actually loves his kids.
JHB - Should've been ranked higher. So, if JHB hadn't fucked everything up, then we could celebrate the real meaning of Christmas. It's like what Alexander the Great said after he conquered the world "I am so glad that Christ hasn't been born yet." Too bad JHB can't say the same.
Tier 4 – Needs improvement (SAT 880+ & ACT 16+)
[Estimated GM Score: 1.5+]
These GMs aren’t dumb but have some serious mental errors that makes me have to assign them as clearly below-average.
Majic – Everyone loves Majic, but the guy just PMed me his bids for FA Day 5.
Yawn – Likes Pitt.
Tier 5 – Poor
Bankz – Next time you think about making fun of a poor person like Bankz, you should imagine yourself saying it in front of him. It might hurt his feelings, and a poor person like Bankz can’t just buy a trampoline to feel better. I will now analyze the lyrics of “Black Dog” from the Led Zeppelin IV album. You’re about to see some of the most confusing lyrics ever written by man. I give Robert Plant credit for trying to weave several metaphors together, but it doesn’t work. Much like a lawnmower without gas doesn’t work. Or Bankz. Trying to recover from a conversation with Bankz takes more time than getting over the jarring effects of a testicular punch that only I can deliver.
Hey hey, mama said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.
Like I said, confusing. Art must be interpreted in order to be art. If it has no real interpretation then it’s art’s distant cousin, shit. My best guess here is that Plant is pretending to be a game of basketball. Interesting idea, but it fails. Yes, basketball games require the woman to move, and she will probably sweat, but groove? Plant really “double-dribbles” with this verse.
Oh oh, child, way you shake that thing, gonna make you burn, gonna make you sting.
Again, Plant is not content with his human form and decides to be a wasp in this verse. Notice how he says “Shake that thing”. Obviously, wasps don’t like it when humans “shake” around, so they “sting” and “burn” us. But “that thing” is too ambiguous. What is she shaking? A hand? A fly swatter? We don’t know, and neither does Plant, apparently.
Hey hey, baby, when you walk that way, watch your honey drop, can’t keep away.
Ok, this is where things get confounding. Now Plant is tired of assuming non-human shapes, so he assign a form to a woman. This time she’s a honey comb. Unfortunately, while “dripping honey” is “sweet”, so sweet that you “can’t keep away”, honey combs don’t walk in any kind of way. Sometimes they can swing, though, when they’re hanging from branches and the wind blows.
The other lines are either boring or not descriptive but I have to tackle this one:
I don’t know but I been told, a big-legged woman ain’t got no soul.
Big mistake: he doesn’t tell us where he got this information. He claims he has “been told”, but not sources are provided. This isn’t very scientific, not to mention rude. We want to know, you bastard. Plus, even if he does have a verified source, what do legs have to do with souls? Everyone knows that your soul is in your small intestine. So here, we have two gigantic mistakes: unscientific analysis and failure to recognize modern anatomy.
It's back to school for Robert Plant.
Not listed: People that are new, People I don’t give a shit/forgot about, Robots
![[Account Deleted] Avatar](http://storage.proboards.com/5589790/avatar/ZhaFVHTxVPwmyuOiOKEd.png)
i tried so hard
