TMBSL GM/Teams as Countries in the World Cup
Jun 24, 2014 22:50:18 GMT -6
skrouse, MJ, and 2 more like this
Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2014 22:50:18 GMT -6
Welcome to the 2014 World Cup and here I am dumptime and I'm gonna compare my fellow GMs and myself to fellow countries participating in this here World Cup. Note: Some may have something to do with their soccer teams and some may have something to do with the country itself.
Let the games begin!
2Poor - Germany
First off lets just get this out of the way, Germany is one of if not the best team in the World Cup, and the Utah Jazz are one of the best teams in TMBSL currently. Germany is normally up there with the other European countries but then they go through a stretch where they just flat out dominate everybody. 2Poor is normally up there with top GMs such as he was in 2.0, but he is flat out dominating 4.0 and looking to make his 3rd straight trip to the Finals. Much like Germany dominated Europe when they had Adolf Hitler in charge of things. Sauerkraut is a favorite food in Germany, and I feel sometimes that 2Poor has a sauerkraut personality towards certain GMs and posters on TMB.
Ankly - France
What has been said that hasn't already been said about Ankly? I mean besides when he isn't tanking with fabulous tanking PGs, Ankly is one of the top GMs in the league. In 2.0, he had the Pistons at the top time after time, and he didn't even have to have the help of Paul Westphal and the commissioner. Meanwhile France is usually pretty good in soccer most of the time, and it is no surprise that they are one of the top teams left in this World Cup. Like France, Ankly can be a bit arrogant when it comes to any subject, like a bit of a know it all. Now no where near IanBoyd, but he wants you to know you're not better than him.
Bruns - Portugal
Bruns is Portugal. Portugal is a very good soccer country, but they are kind of the newbies of the block. They havent been here for as long as the other good soccer countries. They do have the best soccer player in the world though not named Messi, so that helps them out a bit. They piggyback the same peninsula as soccer giant Spain also. Kind of like Bruns got into this elite basketball sim league because of his buddy Buster 5000. But like Portugal, the more experience Bruns got in TMBSL, the more he didnt have to piggyback off of Buster 5000/Spain. Now Portugal/Bruns has a team capable of going up against and beating Spain/Buster 5000.
Buster 5000 - Spain
Well as you already know, Buster 5000 is Spain. Its an easy comparison when you think about it because Buster 5000 is such a great GM and Spain is usually one of the best soccer teams in the world. Nowadays with the early exit from the World Cup, Spain is in turmoil. Buster 5000 is floundering with his horrific "tank" job and wondering what to do after this season and that horrific Chenier contract. Buster 5000 is hoping that little brother Bruns/Portugal doesnt overtake him in the peninsula. But just like most soccer fans know Spain will bounce back, fellow GMs in the league know that Buster 5000 will make the right moves to bring the Lakers back and somehow overtake Magic Johnson and Bill Walton in the Pacific.
Canesfan3234 - Colombia
Okay I might have done this since he's from South Florida. I really would have liked Cuba to be a decent enough soccer team or not be communist at all. I mean Canesfan is a decent enough of GM, he does alright in this league. Sure he might have his ups like Colombia is doing right now having one hell of a World Cup run. But most likely he'll flop and sell of his star player for nothing and then make one of the teams in his division much better. Much like Colombia only having 4 World Cup appearances all time and having their country overrun by a druglord such as Pablo Escobar (facts may be made up for dramatic effect). All in all, Canesfan/Colombia are middling entities. You don't go in a World Cup fearing a Colombia team, much like you don't go to sim Miami and fear the Heat.
Devine - Costa Rica
I mean lets face it. Devine is not a very good GM and doesn't know how to do some basic GM stuff around the league that causes Odin some pains. Costa Rica is not a very good soccer team that tries to piggy back off of the United States and likes to pretend its a state. The only difference is Costa Rica is supposed to be a pretty decent place to travel to, and well who would want to travel to West Virginia or Western Pennsylvania ewwwwww. But Devine sometimes can have a decent team that shocks some people, and sometimes he means to tank and then falls ass backwards into the playoffs on the legs of Bob Dandridge and Richard Washington. Much like Costa Rica has fallen ass backwards into the round of 16 after they upset Italy and then England decided they didnt want to play soccer anymore. But lets not get carried away here, most of the time they are both terrible.
Dilworth - Argentina
Too bad Turkey isn't in the World Cup mirite. But jokes aside, Dilworth is one of the best GMs in the league. He has rebuilt his team into one of the best after GM Buster 5000 tried his best to destroy it with horrible contracts when he was slaying some Turkish puss. Argentina is one of the best teams left in the World Cup led by the best player in the world, Lionel Messi. Similarly enough, Dilworth had a player similar to Messi in 2.0 and his name was Nick Diaz, and if his upgrades go right, he might have one in 4.0 named Truck Robinson. I personally like Dilworth as a person and a GM and I hope to see him succeed in the Midwest and hopefully in the future the West in general. I also am a fan of the baby blue that Argentina wears and I root for Argentina when they face big, bad Brazil.
Joe Dirte Maegi - Mexico
Mexico likes to piggyback off of the USA. They like to send their citizens over here to do work us lazy Americans don't like to do. And I mean Joe Dirte does live in Texas and people like to make the joke that Texas is Mexico. Joe Dirte came into this league through his friend and sometimes lover, Soup. Kind of like Mexicans come into the USA swimming across the Rio Grande. Mexico has been pretty damn good in this World Cup. And that Ochoa put up some Magic Johnson type shit against the overwhelming favorite Brazil. Sometimes I feel like Mexico likes to flip flop between being a good team and a bad team. Like sometimes Dirt likes to flip flop between buying it all and selling it all based on one Elvin Hayes trade. Mexico makes bonehead moves too like Dirt did when he made that Gilmore trade. Sometimes I feel like Mexico likes to give up futbol like Dirt gave up his dynasty to commish this league after MJ stepped down.
Druce - Italy
Some teams have none of the luck and some GMs have none of the luck. I mean look at how many times Italy has been defeated and it was mainly someone else's fault other than their own. Too many to count. Including today's loss to Urgay because the refs drew all the cards towards Italy and when a Urgay player head butted and bit a Italian player that gets nothing, and then a minute later the game winning goal is scored. Now look at how many times Druce has been screwed in TMBSL. I mean he rapes GM Dumptime in a trade that got him 4 valuable 1sts for future MVP Alvan Adams. All is sorta not well when the Atlantic decided to tank and the Celtics jump to the 2 seed in the last sim to knock the pick from lotto to mid teens. Then its celebration when Alvan Adams and World B. Free decides not to re-sign with Boston. But things take a turn for the worse when not only Adams and Free take Boston's money, but also MVP Bob Lanier ditches the Cavs for the Celtics making them the Eastern Conference favorites and turning those once valuable picks into the shit that they are today. Plus there was this Steve Smith thing that he still brings up time after time. I mean Druce can be a good GM and then he can go out and lose to a Costa Rica-tier GM.
duc15 as Ghana
I mean Ghana is the best team in Africa, right? Yeah thats like being the smartest person in special ed but that still means something. Plus USA seems to be their bitch besides for this World Cup. duc15 has put together a pretty good team so far in 4.0. Led by Bill Walton, and with such newcomers such as Dan "Worth A Max" Issel, and Bob Dandrige, they are a force to be reckoned with in the West. Ghana seems to be the most fundamentally sound team in Africa which isnt saying much but I feel Duc values being fundamentally sound. For most of his GM, Duc has been that hapless loser or the Bad Luck Brian of TMBSL. He kept on trading his picks to ohhaithur and not getting any wins in return thus giving ohhaithur lotto picks every season. Much like the real Portland Trailblazers are the Bad Luck Brians of the NBA. But in 4.0 things are looking on up for Duc, and Ghana will be in a do or die situation on Thursday.
dumptime as Russia
I mean lets face it, dumptime is a pretty shitty GM. Russia to my knowledge is not that great of a soccer country, right? I mean no one really wants to interact with Russia, right? Just like no one really wants to interact with dumptime. People are afraid of dumptime because he might post threatening stuff about their unborn child and exotica about their beautiful wife or write threatening messages on Facebook to their beautiful future wife. People are afraid of Russia because they are afraid that Russia will blow them to smithereens with their "nukes". Russia has so much land that is inhabitable because of the cold, like Siberia. Dumptime's dick is much like Siberia because most females don't want to go there. Dumptime is much like a cancer to this league, much like Russia is a cancer to this world, also much like Dumptime.
Handsome Pete - Switzerland
Honestly, I don't even know enough about this Handsome Pete guy to do anything. From the sign up thread and the NBA thread on TMB, he seems like a good poster. And hopefully he sticks around long enough that next time I do a GMs article I can do better than this. But for now I am neutral on Pete, so he is the Swiss, get it? hehehehe
H/T - Ivory Coast
Ivory Coast always has so much potential and always falls flat on their face on the big stage. They have probably one of the more exciting players in soccer, Didier Drogba. As someone in TMBSL as noted, they are like Baylor basketball, the players always look good on paper, but their results always disappoint. Heel was off to a hot start in 4.0, with the twin towers of Lanier and Gilmore, but like most Africans in general, Lanier bit the dust for greener pastures in Boston and Heel was left to rebuild after the destruction. Fortunately for heel, he found a great deal and dealt Gilmore to the Clippers for Webster, Hollins, and some shitty guy on a bad deal. He has rebounded nicely, but the team was not like it was with Lanier. Heel always seems like a crowd favorite to succeed in TMBSL much like people like to root for the little guy in Ivory Coast.
IanBoyd - South Korea
Yeah I went there. Ian is an Asian-American living in Austin. I figure South Korea is America's Korea since we fought for their worthless asses during the Korea War. I was gonna do Japan, but I figured a person of Chinese heritage wouldn't like being Japan. Ian is a much better GM than South Korea or Japan is a soccer team. But he is kind of an asshole so I can see why North Korea hates South Korea so much. He is a stickler for the rules (much like all Asians) unless the rules don't allow him to do something (see Bulls-Timberwolves trade). Some say he is on this website almost or even more than I am, which is a feat in itself. And everytime someone logs on to this site, you can see IanBoyd in shout talking about something sim related in the past, present, or future. Or he is too busy talking up shitty wings to everyone who ever enters shout. He is better than everyone in his own Asian infused world. And that might be true way back in 1.0 or 2.0.
fason - Cameroon
Cameroon is a terrible soccer team. The 76ers are a terrible team this season (by design). I might have not even known Cameroon was a real country (like I do with most African nations). Fason is a new GM to the league for the most part. Fason has been a pretty enjoyable GM to have around the league so far. I like Cameroon because its like Cameron but they just threw the extra "o" in there to make them special.
Jerry West - Ecuador
Jerry West is an underrated GM in this league. He flies under the radar by not posting as much but he makes good moves and he usually puts up good teams when he wants to. I bet Ecuador kind of flew under the radar in this World Cup and now they are 2nd in their group. Jerry will even upset some people when he is tanking, especially when he has star players such as Glenn Robinson. Like I bet Ecuador has or will beat somebody that they did not expect to. Jerry West is like in the middle of the GM rankings I would expect, much like Ecuador seems to be in the middle of the world and close to the equator (which is why I figure they named it Ecuador).
JHB - England
JHB and England have a lot in common. They both talk a lot of shit but when their teams hit the field the results do not match up. England acts like they are the mother country for soccer, they have the Premier League, and plenty of great soccer clubs. Yet guess who was one of the first teams eliminated from the World Cup this year? You guessed it, England. JHB talked a whole bunch of trash during the creation draft about how his team is gonna wreck shop in this league and then he gets his BFF Tobias to join just so he could trade rape him and then afterwards Tobias could quit. Now JHB is selling all of his picks just for a .500 team in the Midwest so he could stay afloat. Not to mention he didn't even make the playoffs last season. Much like the American Revolution between the USA and England, we had one in TMBSL between the SuperYawns and the Fake Sonics (Thunder). Just like the result in the American Revoltion, American/SuperYawns beat England/Thunder. Bow down to your queen now, British faggots.
John Wall - Iran
Iran is a terrible country and soccer team, mainly country. The Washington Bullets are a terrible team and franchise so far in 4.0. John Wall refuses to obey the rule of having 2 PGs, much like I assume Iran breaks all the rules in life. The Bullets are truly terrible, like sometimes I assume they are not even there, they are that terrible. I would like to think Iran is not there at all either because of how terrible they are. I mean John Wall is a good dude and poster. But man his team smells like what I assume Iran as a country smells like, which is a big steaming pile of dog shit.
MJ - Greece
MJ and Greece have a lot in common. They are both OGs to their world. MJ has been here since 1.0 and even commished a little (was horrible at it but lets leave that alone). Greece was the OG country, I mean they gave us gods and shit and Hercules, where would we be without Hercules?? Greece doesnt really have that great of a soccer team. MJ never really has had that great of a TMBSL franchise. Sure Reggie Miller in 2.0 was great and all but how many playoff victories did he lead MJ to? The Greeks have some damn good food like gyros and shit. MJ from his snapchats and such looks to be one of the better chefs in TMBSL. The Greeks have decently attractive females that live in their country. MJ probably has the most attractive significant other in TMBSL. Most people want to visit Greece. Most TMBSLers want to visit and get drunk with MJ. The only difference is MJ seems to be good with money and Greece is definitely not.
Ocho - Chile
Ocho won the first title of 2.0. He also has had good teams to start out 4.0 with. He is a very capable GM, but is he great? No. He is that GM that would rather be good or hover over .500 for most of the time rather than bottom out for a star and maybe get lucky in FA. Nothing wrong with that, but he's never gonna compete with the big boys. Chile has been on fire for this World Cup, much like the Pacers with Wilkes on the team. They even beat Spain and advanced to the Round of 16. Much like when ocho won a title with Hakeem. But are you going to be scared to face a Chile or scared to face a Spain most of the time? In the first round, would you rather face a Ocho led team or a Trofie led team? I would like Ocho if he didnt keep me in Facebook purgatory and make unoriginal digs at me all the time. Same with I would like Chile if they hadnt blatantly ripped off the Texas flag.
OopsPowSurprise - Nigeria
Yeah I went there. I mean Nigeria was heavily favored against Iran and Bosnia heading into the World Cup but flopped when they didnt score a single goal against fucking Iran and only scored one against fucking Bosnia. Much like Oops tenure has been a flop. He tried to win for awhile and that didnt work. He then sold them for mostly meh picks (except for those ATL picks) and is now tanking. Nigeria has been MIA for most of the World Cup with these god awful performances, like Oops has been MIA in TMBSL. Oops even posted his phone number for dick pictures from other TMBSL GMs. I'm sure some Nigerian fans want to send their players dick pics if they had phones and phone numbers. Oops' posts are much like Nigerian currency around these parts. He says he'll do something but will he really do it.
RV - Algeria
I mean sure RV has the best record in the East. But are we really sure he is the best team in the East? Like are we sure Algeria is good enough for the round of 16? But they are 2nd in a god awful group. I mean for most of his GM tenure RV has been a worse version of Ocho. Sure he took advantage of a young, naive dumptime for Tim Duncan in 1.0. But what good did that do him in the end? A couple playoff appearances? Algeria can try and be a legitimate soccer nation but at the end of the day it will look like this .
RWisourgayboy - Bosnia-Herzegovina
I imagine the country of Bosnia-Herzegovina is in about as much shambles after how many wars they've had than the city of Atlanta is in after news broke of winston2benjamin's GM resigning and the hiring of terrible and shit tier GM RWisourgayboy. The same countries that gave us Vlade Divac and Drazen Petrovic. Me and the rest of TMBSL must have felt like that country when Drazen Petrovic died due to his cunty girlfriend at the time when Odin hired RW back to destroy another franchise. I'm shocked Bosnia is even interested in soccer, I thought they were a hockey/basketball country like all the Eastern European, former Soviet countries. Much like I'll be shocked when someone hires RW for a job in journalism and such.
Scatmanluck - Croatia
I wanted to do something with luck, but I just couldn't find a match. I guess Croatia is decent. But lets not act like scat is all that great either. Yeah he lucks out and gets great players. But then he trades those great players for Chris Webber and screws it all up. I mean Croatia did get unlucky in this World Cup by getting grouped in with Mexico and Brazil. I mean I like scat, he's a decent GM until he screws up by trading Johnny High and 2 1sts for M.L. Carr. Hopefully he likes his spot as 2nd in the Atlantic Division for the foreseeable future.
Skrouse - Australia
I like to describe Skrouse as Fred Rouse on a skateboard. I enjoy Skrouse's Efficiency articles that he does every season until this one. Would people say Skrouse is a good GM? Eh. I'd like to think he is average. But the Knicks are terrible and have been terrible for the past 3 seasons. Much like Australia has sucked in soccer. I mean why do they even play soccer in Australia. They have their own version of football plus rugby. Or you could surf, have a beer, chill with kangaroos and koala bears, and then fuck beautiful Australian women. Much like Skrouse has to actually work and have a job instead of chilling out with us on TMBSL and posting awesome efficiency articles.
Soup - United States of America
Yeah thats right. Soup is god damn fucking America. He is the big winner in all of this obviously. I mean it fits too. The Dallas Mavericks are America's Team. No one hates Soup in here, I mean its impossible to actually hate him. Plus his sim Dallas Mavericks are the best team in the league, much like America is the best team in the world. He helps out everybody by texting them and helps out Odin as a mod. Like America likes to help out all the little countries and even some of the big ones too. When I think of America and when I think of someone in this league, Soup is the first one to come to mind. He is always tries to be in the middle of fights on here and that reminds me of America too (See any wars we have ever been in). I mean he is American as it gets. I mean his name is fucking Soup.
Trofie - Brazil
This was also a very easy choice for me. Trofie, in my opinion, is on the top tier of GMs in this league. Especially when it comes to reloading his team and such. Whereas Brazil always seems to reload for every World Cup. They might lose an elite player due to age or such and here comes another one to rise up and play for them. Trofie might lose a couple of guys to injuries or free agency but Trofie always has a move up his sleeve to get another great player in Milwaukee. The problem with Trofie has always been his slip ups in the playoffs, whether due to injury or just bad luck. Brazil should win almost every competition, but they always fuck up when they get close to it. I mean Trofie had one of the best teams in TMBSL history at one point in time and they didnt even make it to the Finals. Also I assume the people of Brazil write like Trofie posts on here, which is a headache to read most of the time.
Tyler as Uruguay also known as Urgay
Some teams in life win important games due to help from either incompetent refs or from the higher ups or from star players. Uruguay likes to win important soccer games due to incompetent referees from Mexico who won't pull a red card for someone who headbutts and bites an opposing player. The Detroit Pistons win a TMBSL title due to Paul Westphal and maybe Commissioner Odin. Is it not a coincidence that Odin brought Tyler into this league and they just so happen to be friends in real life? Have us GMs that were in 1.0 saw this with another particular commissioner. But less conspiracy theories more facts. Fact: Uruguay was not as good as Italy was. Fact: Detroit Pistons were not as good as the Utah Jazz were. Fact: Uruguay soccer players are, as their country's name is pronounced, faggots. Fact: Paul Westphal is a demigod in the sim world. I mean do we really know who this Tyler character is? I mean how unoriginal must he be that he goes by Tyler. What a douchy name. Tell me one Tyler that was not a douche? I dare you...
Yawn - Netherlands aka the Dutch
I like this pick a lot. Netherlands were the Cinderella pick at the beginning of the World Cup with great odds at 25/1. Some people picked the SuperYawns to win the Pacific at the beginning of the season. Netherlands have won all 3 of their games and have advanced to the round of 16. The SuperYawns have won 50 games already into the season and they are doing it without star PF Kermit Washington. Who hates the Netherlands? Besides Austin Powers' dad. Who hates Yawn in this league? I don't think anyone does. He brings life into a lifeless shout when its late. I assume Amsterdam, one of the Netherlands' more famous cities, is a bunch like the life of Yawn. Bunch of drugs, drinking, and sex with females. Everybody wants to go to Amsterdam. Just like I assume most GMs want to hang out with Yawn just to see what he's actually like irl. The Netherlands is a fun team to watch with tons of potential. Same could be said of the SuperYawns with Robert Parish.
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