Post by Face-in on Sept 21, 2016 19:55:25 GMT -6
Tamir "Jewish Jordan" Goodman
21
SG/PG
6'3
170
Towson
C+ B- C+ C+ C- A
Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Dolph Schayes to Sandy Koufax to Sue Bird, have produced yet another elite basketball prospect in Tamir Goodman. At three he started AAU, at ten he learned to go left. He's heard they've picked a team for him, he hopes they know he sure as s@#$ doesn't f!@#ing roll on Shabbos. Right? Of course right, he's the "Jewish Jordan". You may ask, how is he in any way like Michael Jordan? I'll tell you.
I don't know.
But he's the Jewish Jordan. And because of this, every one of us knows who he is and what God expects him to do. Exploded onto the goyim consciousness by scoring 35 a game at the Talmudical Academy and projects into the sim NBA as being top five minimum in ketuvim recitation.
On the other hand, as you've heard he has a temper, he'll get in fistfights every night. But only when he's sober... so you're alright.
On the other hand, he was highly recruited by Division I colleges and they would never look the other way on character issues because of mere basketball ability.
On the other hand, he doesn't have the passing to be a true point guard or the size to be a true scoring guard at the pro level. Well, even a poor finisher deserves some happiness.
On the other hand, his demand that his team plays an exhibition every year on Hapoel Jerusalem B.C.'s home court serves as a great team building exercise. Soon every player will be thinking "next year in Jerusalem."
On the other hand, it's pretty clear he's the second best of the Chosen Ones in this draft: the Leah to LeBron's Rachel, the Esau to his Jacob, the John the Baptist to his Jesus Christ err nevermind.
As the good book says, "when a basketball team drafts a Goodman, one of them is blessed." Alright, alright, it doesn't exactly say that, but some place it has something to say about basketball.
