Post by KwYawnza on Dec 3, 2016 11:38:15 GMT -6
How the Dump Stole Christmas
Every GM Down in TMBSLville Liked Sim-mas season a lot...
But the Dump, Who lived just in his parent’s basement, Did NOT!
The Dump hated Sim-mas! The whole Sim-mas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his giant head didn’t allow him to wear hats just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Sim-mas Eve, hating the GMs,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Dumpy frown,
At the laptop lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every GM down in TMBSLville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a Depth Chart Shaped wreath.
"And they're submitting their FA bids!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Sim-mas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Dump fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Sim-mas from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the GM girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their new toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the GMs, young and old, would sit down to a Podcast.
And they'd put him on blast! And they'd Blast! And they'd BLAST!
BLAST! BLAST! BLAST!
They would whine on about cheese players, and rare unfair GM dynasties.
Which was something the Dump couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every GM down in GMville, the elite and the small,
Would stand close together, with Sim-mas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the GMs would start shouting!
They'd shout! And they'd shout! And they'd SHOUT!
SHOUT! SHOUT! SHOUT!
And the more the Dump thought of this GM Sim-Mas Shout,
The more the Dump thought, "I must stop this without a doubt!"
"Why, for forty-one SIM years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Sim-mas from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE DUMP GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Dump laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick GM hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great idea Dumpy!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Commissioner 20!"
"All I need is a reindeer..." The Dump looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Dump? No! The Dump simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his dog, Majic. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Majic.
Then the Dump said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the GMs Lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the GMs were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Dumpy hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if 20s could do it, then so could the Dump.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little GMs FA-bids all hung in a row.
"These Bids," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he stumbled and stunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
MVPs! And First Round Sweeps! Efficient Bigs! Full Max Players!
Conference Finals! Victor Oladipo! Dump Bucks! Playoff Most Valuable Players!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Dump, in full Dump flower,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the Roster. He took the Championships!
He took the Number 1 pick! He took the Jimmy Jackson!
He cleaned out that Roster as quick as a flash.
Why, that Dump even took their last Defensive Rebounding Big!
Then he stuffed all the goodies up the chimney with a pout.
"And NOW!" grinned the Dump, "I will stuff up the advanced stats!"
And the Dump grabbed the keyboard, and he started to whine,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a heeb.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small GM!
Little AHebrew2, who was not more than tiny.
The Dump had been caught by this tiny GM ,
Who'd got out of bed for a hopeful sim league title.
He stared at the Dump and said, "20s, why,”
"Why are you taking our advanced stats? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Dump was so dull and so thick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up not very quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake 20s lied,
"There's a coding error on this advanced stat that won't display on one side."
"So I'm taking it home to my basement, my dear."
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the heeb. Then he patted his head,
And he got him a few dump bucks and he sent him to bed.
And when Ahebrew2 went to bed with his bucks out,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the advanced stats up!
Then the last thing he took Was the smilies for their Shout!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old lout.
On their walls he left nothing but Low efficient Bigs and some 3 TOPG PGs.
And the one speck of a bid That he left in the house,
Was a crumb that was even too small for a MLE.
Then He did the same thing To the other GM's houses
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other GMs' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn... All the GMs, still a-bed,
All the GMs, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The Assists! The Box Scores!
The All Star Game! And the Very Fast Pace! The All 1st League Team! The Bigs Who Can Score!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
"PoohPooh to the GMs!" he was Dumpishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Sim-mas is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Gms down in TMBSLville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Dump, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Dump put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at TMBSLville! The Dump popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every GM down in TMBSLville, the elite and the small,
Was shouting! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Sim-mas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Dump, with his dump-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came with out Efficient Bigs! It came without Eric’s stats!"
"It came without MVPs, Training Camps or Smileys wearing hats!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Dump thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Sim-mas," he thought, "doesn't come from a championship won without a cheese player."
"Maybe Sim-mas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in TMBSLville they say,
That the Dump's small heart Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the Titles! And the words for the Shout!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Dump realizing the error in the ways and that his boy toy Jimmy Jackson was killing the league rescinded the contract and did us all a favor and went away for a long long time where he eventually died of butt aids because we all know he was a bit of a whoopsie!
Love ya Dump
Every GM Down in TMBSLville Liked Sim-mas season a lot...
But the Dump, Who lived just in his parent’s basement, Did NOT!
The Dump hated Sim-mas! The whole Sim-mas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be his giant head didn’t allow him to wear hats just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, His heart or his shoes,
He stood there on Sim-mas Eve, hating the GMs,
Staring down from his cave with a sour, Dumpy frown,
At the laptop lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every GM down in TMBSLville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a Depth Chart Shaped wreath.
"And they're submitting their FA bids!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Sim-mas! It's practically here!"
Then he growled, with his Dump fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Sim-mas from coming!"
For Tomorrow, he knew, all the GM girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their new toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the GMs, young and old, would sit down to a Podcast.
And they'd put him on blast! And they'd Blast! And they'd BLAST!
BLAST! BLAST! BLAST!
They would whine on about cheese players, and rare unfair GM dynasties.
Which was something the Dump couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every GM down in GMville, the elite and the small,
Would stand close together, with Sim-mas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the GMs would start shouting!
They'd shout! And they'd shout! And they'd SHOUT!
SHOUT! SHOUT! SHOUT!
And the more the Dump thought of this GM Sim-Mas Shout,
The more the Dump thought, "I must stop this without a doubt!"
"Why, for forty-one SIM years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Sim-mas from coming! But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE DUMP GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Dump laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick GM hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great idea Dumpy!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Commissioner 20!"
"All I need is a reindeer..." The Dump looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the old Dump? No! The Dump simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his dog, Majic. Then he took some red thread,
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Majic.
Then the Dump said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down,
Toward the homes where the GMs Lay asnooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the GMs were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Dumpy hissed,
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if 20s could do it, then so could the Dump.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little GMs FA-bids all hung in a row.
"These Bids," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he stumbled and stunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
MVPs! And First Round Sweeps! Efficient Bigs! Full Max Players!
Conference Finals! Victor Oladipo! Dump Bucks! Playoff Most Valuable Players!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then the Dump, in full Dump flower,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then he slunk to the Roster. He took the Championships!
He took the Number 1 pick! He took the Jimmy Jackson!
He cleaned out that Roster as quick as a flash.
Why, that Dump even took their last Defensive Rebounding Big!
Then he stuffed all the goodies up the chimney with a pout.
"And NOW!" grinned the Dump, "I will stuff up the advanced stats!"
And the Dump grabbed the keyboard, and he started to whine,
When he heard a small sound like the coo of a heeb.
He turned around fast, and he saw a small GM!
Little AHebrew2, who was not more than tiny.
The Dump had been caught by this tiny GM ,
Who'd got out of bed for a hopeful sim league title.
He stared at the Dump and said, "20s, why,”
"Why are you taking our advanced stats? WHY?"
But, you know, that old Dump was so dull and so thick,
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up not very quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake 20s lied,
"There's a coding error on this advanced stat that won't display on one side."
"So I'm taking it home to my basement, my dear."
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And his fib fooled the heeb. Then he patted his head,
And he got him a few dump bucks and he sent him to bed.
And when Ahebrew2 went to bed with his bucks out,
HE went to the chimney and stuffed the advanced stats up!
Then the last thing he took Was the smilies for their Shout!
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the old lout.
On their walls he left nothing but Low efficient Bigs and some 3 TOPG PGs.
And the one speck of a bid That he left in the house,
Was a crumb that was even too small for a MLE.
Then He did the same thing To the other GM's houses
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other GMs' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn... All the GMs, still a-bed,
All the GMs, still asnooze When he packed up his sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The Assists! The Box Scores!
The All Star Game! And the Very Fast Pace! The All 1st League Team! The Bigs Who Can Score!
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!
"PoohPooh to the GMs!" he was Dumpishly humming.
"They're finding out now that no Sim-mas is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Gms down in TMBSLville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Dump, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So he paused. And the Dump put his hand to his ear.
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
He stared down at TMBSLville! The Dump popped his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Every GM down in TMBSLville, the elite and the small,
Was shouting! Without any presents at all!
He HADN'T stopped Sim-mas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Dump, with his dump-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came with out Efficient Bigs! It came without Eric’s stats!"
"It came without MVPs, Training Camps or Smileys wearing hats!"
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Dump thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Sim-mas," he thought, "doesn't come from a championship won without a cheese player."
"Maybe Sim-mas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in TMBSLville they say,
That the Dump's small heart Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light,
And he brought back the Titles! And the words for the Shout!
And he, HE HIMSELF! The Dump realizing the error in the ways and that his boy toy Jimmy Jackson was killing the league rescinded the contract and did us all a favor and went away for a long long time where he eventually died of butt aids because we all know he was a bit of a whoopsie!
Love ya Dump
