Post by Lazy Pete on Jul 23, 2014 21:52:50 GMT -6
EJ: Welcome everyone to Inside TMBSL’s special Season in Review episode. I’m Ernie Johnson, your host, and with me as always are NBA greats Shaquille O’Neal, Kenny “the Jet” Smith, and Charles Barkley.
The season has come to an end, the Mavericks have been crowned the champs, and the offseason is well underway.
Chuck: Erneh, can i say something first? This season was a travesty to professional basketball. Half the league was throwin out teams that Kenny’s daughter and her high school friends would whoop. Both conferences too, but especially in the East. There were more teams trying to be bad than there were trying to compete.
Kenny: Chuck’s right, that Raptors squad had no business being in the playoffs, and it made the regular season have no real drama. Everybody knew which teams were gonna make it, except maybe with the Nuggets out west. And what was all that for? A chance to pick some chubby PF that never won a ring?
Shaq: Dick Mumma
Chuck: None of these teams should’ve gotten rewarded for that mess. It was disgraceful.
EJ: Well, despite the record number of teams intentionally taking themselves out of the playoff race, there were some serious surprises this season. One of the biggest came during last year’s offseason, when Finals MVP George Gervin left a blossoming dynasty in Utah to join Glenn Robinson and the Denver Nuggets.
Kenny: I’ll bet he was regretting that when he was at home watching the playoffs this year.
Chuck: You know he left Utah because of all those crazy Mormon women, right? He stuck around there a couple years longer and they woulda had a whole cast of Basketball Wives without having to leave his house. That legal weed probably didn't hurt either.
Shaq: Ain't no woman like the one I got
EJ: Whatever the reason he decided to leave, that shook up the power structure and we had a few new top dogs in the league. In the West, the Mavs were heavy favorites and were joined at the top by the Grizzlies, but the two best regular season teams were the Bulls and the Celtics.
Chuck: Erneh, the Mavs were the best team top to bottom this year and it wasn’t even close.
Kenny: Those east teams got to wolf down more cupcakes than you at the craft services table. But any of those teams at the top could’ve won it all if they didn’t have some bad timing with injuries in the playoffs. You had World B. Free go out for the Celtics, Phil Chenier and George McGinnis go down for the Bulls, and Bobby Jones gets hurt halfway through the conference semis for the Grizzlies. Any one of those situations is different and who knows?
Chuck: I can’t say enough about the Indiana Pacers though. This was a team that nobody believed in, their own GM didn’t even pick them to make it out of the first round. But they came together, took out the top 3 teams in the East, and even stole a game in the finals.
Kenny: If they had won, it would’ve been one of the most unlikely championship runs of all time. I was a doubter but they proved a lot of people wrong this year. They’ve got a lot of pieces still in place, so it’ll be interesting to see whether they can repeat that kind of performance in the regular season.
Shaq: Underdog, put that on a t-shirt!
EJ: Another big surprise this year was the league MVP vote. Despite making only 2nd team all-TMBSL, the voters selected Alvan Adams of the Celtics as this year’s MVP. This was despite Swen Nater leading the league in points and rebounds, with a monstrous 35-15 average.
Shaq: I woulda averaged a 55-25. He needs to dominate the paint. C'mon big fella.
Kenny: You’ve been huffing too much IcyHot. Nater dominated all year long, only problem was his team was still terrible. I agree with the voters that he shouldn’t have won it. I would’ve given it to Magic Johnson, who I think is still the most valuable player in the league. He drug that Clippers team all the way to the Conference finals, and I don’t know if there is another player who can do as much for his team as Magic does. He’s gonna end up averaging a triple double soon, he’s that good.
EJ: Okay...now it’s time for everyone’s favorite segment, Shaqtin' a Fool. Shaq, take it away.
Shaq: (monotone drone) Tonight’s Shaqtin’ a Fool stars my old teammate Grant Hill. The young fella just couldn’t hold on to the ball this season, and turned it over more than anyone else in the history of the league. He still looks like a promising player, but he handles the ball like he's wearing a pair of oven mitts. He's gonna have to work on that this offseason, or he’ll wind up at the end of the bench.
EJ: Glad to know you can put together a sentence every once in a while.
Chuck: He couldn’t put together a tinker toy. His crossed eyes can barely read off those cue cards.
EJ: On that note, we want to leave you with the last Gone Fishin’ of the year, in honor of that Pacers team and their improbable run to the finals. Best of luck to all the teams trying to reel in the big one next year.
Until next season, this has been Inside TMBSL. Congrats to the Mavs, and for Shaq, Kenny and Charles, I hope to see you again next year.
