Post by Druce on Nov 15, 2017 12:18:26 GMT -6
So I was inspired to write this today after I checked the Duke box score from last night, figured it was TMBSL relevant. I made a list of the Duke players from 2000-current that I hate the most. I will try to attach the pics I used, I copied them into word and didn't save the links.
Honorable Mention:
Lee Melchionni – Such a punchable mug on this ass clown. He was never a great player but always seemed to knock down clutch shots against Carolina. Literally did nothing else in his career. His name is just annoying as hell to hear, and Dicky V loved to say it baybee!! Fuck this guy.
JJ Redick - Outside of him going to Duke, I actually liked his game a little bit and didn’t hate him as much as I should have. Hit tons of big shots and had a shit eating smirk. I’m really talking myself into retroactively loathing him. Prototypical Duke fuck boy like so many before and after him. Rat Face loved him too which adds to the stench. Also this wouldn’t be a thing without him.
Shavlick Randolph – His name alone makes me want to slap him in the face. A Duke big, so he wasn’t getting the ball a ton. No stand out bitch made moments for me, but such a Duke name that he can’t go unmentioned. Had the appearance of lurch, and seemed like an awful person to hang out with. Duuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Josh McRoberts – Terrible haircut to start, burger boy that showed flashes but was never a dominant guy at Duke. We share a first name so he can’t be that bad I guess. He was a smug little cunt after hitting big shots, but he didn’t make enough of them to make the top 10. Sweet haircut you fucking loser.
Plumlee Collective – None of them is singularly good enough or made enough of an impact in college to truly hate as much as I could. While they’ve found varying degrees of NBA success, big men are almost never a focal point at Duke, and the most they did was get scraps around the rim or dunks in transition. Nothing stands out as particularly douchey about any one of them, and I can’t remember any big game performances worth a shit.
10. Jon Scheyer – This guy reminds me of Rob Weigman, without the creepy dad/grandpa, with a dagger jumper. His frail arms, cut off undershirt, undeserved national title. Everything about him is annoying. He’s so Duke that he’s not an assistant coach, which he will parlay into a failure of a head coaching stint at Cleveland State and go back to the rat licking his wounds. Hit so many big shots. Suck it Scheyer. Whoever did this gets a purple heart.
9. Greg Paulus – That his greatest contribution to Duke basketball is this: Drops him down the list a bit. He carried on the Wojo floor slap tradition, except the only thing he could lock down on defense was my grandmother. Such hype coming out of high school made me hate him before he even stepped foot in Durham. Parlayed his mediocre Duke career into a stint with the NBA Syracuse football program. Barf. Paulus was such a two sport star that he managed to fail at both. What’s he doing now? Probably still polishing Danny Green’s balls I’d bet. Smug for absolutely no reason, such is life as the point guard at Duke. Hope you enjoyed your early tourney exists you bitch.
8. Sheldon Williams – If anyone in the history of earth has looked more like Chewbacca, I’d love to see it. The Hawks picked him fifth in the draft because their GM thought Williams would maul his family if he didn’t. Literally one of the worst looking humans I’ve ever seen, he’s like a mix of a mouse and a sloth, incredibly taking two cute animals and mashing them up and hitting what you created with a hammer a few times. Any time he got an and 1 in the post he celebrated as if he had just lost his virginity, which ironically he still hasn’t done. Just kidding, somehow he managed to marry Candace Parker, the not hideous ex Tennessee Vol.
7. Austin Rivers – I think part of this is his dad, because they’re an uber douche family. He’s an entitled little prick. Of course in his one season there he hits a buzzer beater to beat UNC because fuck me right? His squirrely goatee makes him look like a reject from the Coach Carter cast. Nepotism is the only reason he gets minutes and the contract he has in the NBA. His college number coincided with the number of people who actually like him in life: 0. Fuck you Austin Rivers.
6. Gerald Henderson – Dirty bitch. Instead of squaring up like a real man, this pussy supreme is a cheap shot artist. That’s ok, Carolina won that game, and then a few years later Hansbrough posterized your weak ass. Scumbag.
5. Mike Dunleavy Jr. – No matter where he is, when he enters the room he’s immediately the softest person there. This guy is like a down pillow. Such a bitch made weiner. Somehow he made plays in college and got himself drafted like third overall or some shit. Incredible. Of course once he left the rat face he did nothing of value. He couldn’t body up a 3rd grader on defense. Like much of this list, I would love to snuff him in the face.
4. Grayson Allen – I expected to have him higher on the list, but he’s not a good enough player to be higher. He hasn’t necessarily caused me the pain that the ones above him have. That said, he’s the biggest bitch to ever play at Duke, which in itself is an astonishing feat. Who the fuck trips people? Like are you 4? Fuckin baby. Whines like a pussy constantly. I would without hesitation fist fight him immediately if given the opportunity. He’s the kinda guy who looks like he still kisses his dad on the lips. Literally just looking at his face makes me want to hit him. Oh my god I don’t like this guy. Love seeing him cry when they get ousted in the tourney though. Fuck you you cunt bitch.
3. Shane Battier – This wrinkly headed fuck has caused me so much pain and anguish. Every time he took a charge I wanted to vomit. Such an oreo uncle tom wannabee rat face. K’s right hand man. His eyebrows look like a Neanderthal. Seriously…wtf is this: Your head is gross. I don’t care that you’re from Detroit.
2. Kyle Singler – Recency bias plays a part here as he reminds me a lot of Dunleavy, except he was the leader of their team and was a damn good college player. Very punchable face, looks like a pussy etc. etc. Kind of kid who spends his weekends at a yacht club who you take out during a pick up game because he just deserves it. Monumental fuck boy. Jesus just look at this dude. Warning, Not Safe For Lunch pics incoming, I warned you:
1. Jay Williams – Last and certainly least is Jay Williams. A lot of factors here. He was a great college player, one of the best I’ve ever seen. He destroyed UNC many times. I hate him for how good he was. For this face: Now a days I hate him for how douchey he is on ESPN. I hate him for wasting his talent and being a fucking moron on a motorcycle. And that stupid ass tattoo. Just go away Jay Williams.
Honorable Mention:
Lee Melchionni – Such a punchable mug on this ass clown. He was never a great player but always seemed to knock down clutch shots against Carolina. Literally did nothing else in his career. His name is just annoying as hell to hear, and Dicky V loved to say it baybee!! Fuck this guy.
JJ Redick - Outside of him going to Duke, I actually liked his game a little bit and didn’t hate him as much as I should have. Hit tons of big shots and had a shit eating smirk. I’m really talking myself into retroactively loathing him. Prototypical Duke fuck boy like so many before and after him. Rat Face loved him too which adds to the stench. Also this wouldn’t be a thing without him.
Shavlick Randolph – His name alone makes me want to slap him in the face. A Duke big, so he wasn’t getting the ball a ton. No stand out bitch made moments for me, but such a Duke name that he can’t go unmentioned. Had the appearance of lurch, and seemed like an awful person to hang out with. Duuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Josh McRoberts – Terrible haircut to start, burger boy that showed flashes but was never a dominant guy at Duke. We share a first name so he can’t be that bad I guess. He was a smug little cunt after hitting big shots, but he didn’t make enough of them to make the top 10. Sweet haircut you fucking loser.
Plumlee Collective – None of them is singularly good enough or made enough of an impact in college to truly hate as much as I could. While they’ve found varying degrees of NBA success, big men are almost never a focal point at Duke, and the most they did was get scraps around the rim or dunks in transition. Nothing stands out as particularly douchey about any one of them, and I can’t remember any big game performances worth a shit.
10. Jon Scheyer – This guy reminds me of Rob Weigman, without the creepy dad/grandpa, with a dagger jumper. His frail arms, cut off undershirt, undeserved national title. Everything about him is annoying. He’s so Duke that he’s not an assistant coach, which he will parlay into a failure of a head coaching stint at Cleveland State and go back to the rat licking his wounds. Hit so many big shots. Suck it Scheyer. Whoever did this gets a purple heart.
9. Greg Paulus – That his greatest contribution to Duke basketball is this: Drops him down the list a bit. He carried on the Wojo floor slap tradition, except the only thing he could lock down on defense was my grandmother. Such hype coming out of high school made me hate him before he even stepped foot in Durham. Parlayed his mediocre Duke career into a stint with the NBA Syracuse football program. Barf. Paulus was such a two sport star that he managed to fail at both. What’s he doing now? Probably still polishing Danny Green’s balls I’d bet. Smug for absolutely no reason, such is life as the point guard at Duke. Hope you enjoyed your early tourney exists you bitch.
8. Sheldon Williams – If anyone in the history of earth has looked more like Chewbacca, I’d love to see it. The Hawks picked him fifth in the draft because their GM thought Williams would maul his family if he didn’t. Literally one of the worst looking humans I’ve ever seen, he’s like a mix of a mouse and a sloth, incredibly taking two cute animals and mashing them up and hitting what you created with a hammer a few times. Any time he got an and 1 in the post he celebrated as if he had just lost his virginity, which ironically he still hasn’t done. Just kidding, somehow he managed to marry Candace Parker, the not hideous ex Tennessee Vol.
7. Austin Rivers – I think part of this is his dad, because they’re an uber douche family. He’s an entitled little prick. Of course in his one season there he hits a buzzer beater to beat UNC because fuck me right? His squirrely goatee makes him look like a reject from the Coach Carter cast. Nepotism is the only reason he gets minutes and the contract he has in the NBA. His college number coincided with the number of people who actually like him in life: 0. Fuck you Austin Rivers.
6. Gerald Henderson – Dirty bitch. Instead of squaring up like a real man, this pussy supreme is a cheap shot artist. That’s ok, Carolina won that game, and then a few years later Hansbrough posterized your weak ass. Scumbag.
5. Mike Dunleavy Jr. – No matter where he is, when he enters the room he’s immediately the softest person there. This guy is like a down pillow. Such a bitch made weiner. Somehow he made plays in college and got himself drafted like third overall or some shit. Incredible. Of course once he left the rat face he did nothing of value. He couldn’t body up a 3rd grader on defense. Like much of this list, I would love to snuff him in the face.
4. Grayson Allen – I expected to have him higher on the list, but he’s not a good enough player to be higher. He hasn’t necessarily caused me the pain that the ones above him have. That said, he’s the biggest bitch to ever play at Duke, which in itself is an astonishing feat. Who the fuck trips people? Like are you 4? Fuckin baby. Whines like a pussy constantly. I would without hesitation fist fight him immediately if given the opportunity. He’s the kinda guy who looks like he still kisses his dad on the lips. Literally just looking at his face makes me want to hit him. Oh my god I don’t like this guy. Love seeing him cry when they get ousted in the tourney though. Fuck you you cunt bitch.
3. Shane Battier – This wrinkly headed fuck has caused me so much pain and anguish. Every time he took a charge I wanted to vomit. Such an oreo uncle tom wannabee rat face. K’s right hand man. His eyebrows look like a Neanderthal. Seriously…wtf is this: Your head is gross. I don’t care that you’re from Detroit.
2. Kyle Singler – Recency bias plays a part here as he reminds me a lot of Dunleavy, except he was the leader of their team and was a damn good college player. Very punchable face, looks like a pussy etc. etc. Kind of kid who spends his weekends at a yacht club who you take out during a pick up game because he just deserves it. Monumental fuck boy. Jesus just look at this dude. Warning, Not Safe For Lunch pics incoming, I warned you:
1. Jay Williams – Last and certainly least is Jay Williams. A lot of factors here. He was a great college player, one of the best I’ve ever seen. He destroyed UNC many times. I hate him for how good he was. For this face: Now a days I hate him for how douchey he is on ESPN. I hate him for wasting his talent and being a fucking moron on a motorcycle. And that stupid ass tattoo. Just go away Jay Williams.
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