Post by eric on Mar 6, 2015 16:00:05 GMT -6
In a scene that onlookers described as "electric" and "confusing", Executive General Manager and Chief President James Dolan was dragged by his own security team from a Knicks press conference today. The conference started innocently enough with a prepared statement from Dolan:
"The first thing I've gotta say is to our fans. The greatest fans in the world. Pause for applause. As you all know, Lance Stephenson chose to take his talents to Canada this offseason. We at the Knicks wish Lance Stephenson all the best in that frozen wasteland, until we face his team in the Finals and send them right back to their ice fishing and maple syrup harvest. A lot of you may be worried that our team is going into a rebuilding phase, so I'm here to personally guarantee that we will make the playoffs this year. We know that no one can replace Lance on the court or in our hearts, but we've already acquired Sexy Lexy Drum from Phoenix, a trade that fills multiple needs for us. We urge all New York Knickerbocker fans to respect Lance's decision, even though it's hard for all of us to understand why he'd turn down an extra twenty million guaranteed and the chance to continue playing in the greatest city in the world. Pause for applause. We want to stress that we have parted with Lance amicably, and wish him all the best. We have no doubt he can score 50 points a game in the minor league that is the Western Conference, and we urge all our fans to cheer him on his visits to our great city. I'll now open the floor to questions."
Asked about Bill Walton, the Executive GM replied "Who?" and smirked, prompting a ripple of uneasy laughter from the assembled reporters. While the question was being repeated Dolan tried to knock over his own podium, twice, failing both times, before settling with slapping his microphone to the floor. In the stunned silence that followed, Dolan yelled "That's on you!", paused as if trying to think of something more to say, and repeated "That's on you! Next question!", apparently intent on continuing the press conference without electronic amplification. Before another question could be posed, however, Dolan launched into an unsolicited tirade:
"This front office has an unquestionable track record of loyalty! Where were you nerds when Butch [McRae] invited my family to his grandma's beautiful Chicago home for dinner? Huh? We're family here! And when family betrays you, you gotta fix the Knicks! Walton took a fall from grace, what do we do now? Take a leap of faith? Don't waste my time! I didn't wanna do it, but I just gotta be me!"
Dolan then reached into the podium for a pack of Marlboro Reds, lighting one as a reporter later identified as Mike Lupica asked "Mr. Dolan, there are reports of other GMs criticizing the Drum trade, saying you gave up too much-" prompting another shouted diatribe from the embattled owner:
"You listen to me, Matt... Mark... whatever the [expletive] your name is! These are the same GMs who want you to believe that losing is okay! If any of them pulled that tanking [expletive] in my city, I'd have them brought up on charges of grand theft basketball fraud! You know how the draft works! I'm supposed to bet on my team to lose? That's [expletive], and you know it!"
The shaken Lupica attempted to continue, inquiring about the abrupt resignation of former Knicks assistant to the GM Ernie Grunfeld, but was again cut off:
"You better believe we got rid of that loser! Bruce Koplow has been the co-lead songwriter for JD and the Straight Shot for years, he's shown me all the qualifications needed to take over as GM! And I know what you're thinking, 'Executive General Manager Dolan, sir, but that leaves you with a thin rhythm section,' and if you'd shut up for five seconds put together maybe you'd learn something. This might be against the commissioner's so called collective bargaining agreement but Phoenix threw in a churro dog and an All-Star caliber lead guitarist in the Drum trade, what the [expletive] you gonna say now?"
Following another awkward silence, the last question of the press conference was posed: "Mr. Dolan, you've hired a guitarist as your GM?" at which point Dolan flicked his lit cigarette towards the reporter and charged the crowd shouting "Let's go! Let's go right now!" before being restrained and hurriedly escorted from the room by his security detail.
Information from the Associated Press was used in this report
"The first thing I've gotta say is to our fans. The greatest fans in the world. Pause for applause. As you all know, Lance Stephenson chose to take his talents to Canada this offseason. We at the Knicks wish Lance Stephenson all the best in that frozen wasteland, until we face his team in the Finals and send them right back to their ice fishing and maple syrup harvest. A lot of you may be worried that our team is going into a rebuilding phase, so I'm here to personally guarantee that we will make the playoffs this year. We know that no one can replace Lance on the court or in our hearts, but we've already acquired Sexy Lexy Drum from Phoenix, a trade that fills multiple needs for us. We urge all New York Knickerbocker fans to respect Lance's decision, even though it's hard for all of us to understand why he'd turn down an extra twenty million guaranteed and the chance to continue playing in the greatest city in the world. Pause for applause. We want to stress that we have parted with Lance amicably, and wish him all the best. We have no doubt he can score 50 points a game in the minor league that is the Western Conference, and we urge all our fans to cheer him on his visits to our great city. I'll now open the floor to questions."
Asked about Bill Walton, the Executive GM replied "Who?" and smirked, prompting a ripple of uneasy laughter from the assembled reporters. While the question was being repeated Dolan tried to knock over his own podium, twice, failing both times, before settling with slapping his microphone to the floor. In the stunned silence that followed, Dolan yelled "That's on you!", paused as if trying to think of something more to say, and repeated "That's on you! Next question!", apparently intent on continuing the press conference without electronic amplification. Before another question could be posed, however, Dolan launched into an unsolicited tirade:
"This front office has an unquestionable track record of loyalty! Where were you nerds when Butch [McRae] invited my family to his grandma's beautiful Chicago home for dinner? Huh? We're family here! And when family betrays you, you gotta fix the Knicks! Walton took a fall from grace, what do we do now? Take a leap of faith? Don't waste my time! I didn't wanna do it, but I just gotta be me!"
Dolan then reached into the podium for a pack of Marlboro Reds, lighting one as a reporter later identified as Mike Lupica asked "Mr. Dolan, there are reports of other GMs criticizing the Drum trade, saying you gave up too much-" prompting another shouted diatribe from the embattled owner:
"You listen to me, Matt... Mark... whatever the [expletive] your name is! These are the same GMs who want you to believe that losing is okay! If any of them pulled that tanking [expletive] in my city, I'd have them brought up on charges of grand theft basketball fraud! You know how the draft works! I'm supposed to bet on my team to lose? That's [expletive], and you know it!"
The shaken Lupica attempted to continue, inquiring about the abrupt resignation of former Knicks assistant to the GM Ernie Grunfeld, but was again cut off:
"You better believe we got rid of that loser! Bruce Koplow has been the co-lead songwriter for JD and the Straight Shot for years, he's shown me all the qualifications needed to take over as GM! And I know what you're thinking, 'Executive General Manager Dolan, sir, but that leaves you with a thin rhythm section,' and if you'd shut up for five seconds put together maybe you'd learn something. This might be against the commissioner's so called collective bargaining agreement but Phoenix threw in a churro dog and an All-Star caliber lead guitarist in the Drum trade, what the [expletive] you gonna say now?"
Following another awkward silence, the last question of the press conference was posed: "Mr. Dolan, you've hired a guitarist as your GM?" at which point Dolan flicked his lit cigarette towards the reporter and charged the crowd shouting "Let's go! Let's go right now!" before being restrained and hurriedly escorted from the room by his security detail.
Information from the Associated Press was used in this report
