GMs as stuff I find around the house
Jun 17, 2015 11:18:46 GMT -6
kn88, Lazy Pete, and 1 more like this
Post by 2poor on Jun 17, 2015 11:18:46 GMT -6
Hello friends and rw. I have scoured my house for objects that remind me of each and every one of you. We are proceeding in alphabetical order by the screen name I usually use when referring to you. I hope you enjoy the article. Also I took all these pictures with my phone camera, which kinda sucks, so some of your pictures might be blurry.
20s: The Scentsy smokeless candle
Some of you probably know a girl with a high school education who sells these on facebook. It's basically a reservoir filled with scented wax that you put above a light bulb. So not only is it highly decorative, it also brings light and wonderful smells to my house. When you put in a new block of wax, the smell becomes so strong that you can smell it in other rooms of the house. This reminds me of 20s because he has a positive attitude and happy disposition so powerful that it seems to bleed over into other people in shout. Shout is happier, brighter and doesn't stink as much when 20s is around.
Ank: This carved wooden skeleton
I got this skeleton on a trip to Nogales, Mexico when I was 14. It was being sold by a desperate, impoverished man who didn't have two pennies to rub together. I ended up haggling him down to 40% of his original asking price. I was very pleased when I walked away with my prize, received at extreme discount, from that sad man who didn't have any real leverage and was debating with a person coming from a position of power. That reminds me of all of ank's trades.
Bankz: The Necronomicon
This is a collection of stories written by the famed horror writer HP Lovecraft. He came up with Cthulhu, and a bunch of other horror shit that you've probably heard of. Bankz's roster is currently a Lovecraftian nightmare, the mere sight of which can drive one to madness.
Bruns: This bottle of vicodin
My wife got these after getting her wisdom teeth taken out, but she really hated vicodin so we still have most of this bottle. I bet bruns would really love to have this bottle of vicodin right now, as he gets over having his foot impaled on a spike.
Buster: The original Dune trilogy
Dune is one of the most influential sci-fi trilogies ever written. This saga takes place on the planet of Arrakhis, and follows the life of Paul Atriedes (later Paul Maud'dib) and his children. "The spice must flow" comes from Dune. The problem is that in my opinion, the first Dune book is great and then the second and third (pictured out of order), really fall off the rails. When I joined 2.0, Buster was at worst, the consensus second best GM in the league. He had Westbrook, and a rotating assortment of stars around him. He won 4 titles I believe. 2.0 was his Dune. 4.0 Buster has been his Dune Messiah/Children of Dune. He has really struggled to get on track. He's had a couple good moments, but it has never been the same as it was in the beginning.
Canes: The Big Short
This is a book about how the greed of bankers on the bond market brought about the ruin of the financial system of the world's most powerful country. Similarly, the greed of a GM on the trade market brought about the ruin of a franchise that won 3 lottos in a row.
dil: my dog's flea and tick medication
Fleas and ticks can be a real problem for dogs in Oklahoma. Those little bastards are all over the place. So I get the First Shield Trio from the vet for my dogs. This stuff is great. I apply it once a month, and then I can just forget about fleas and ticks for 30 days. Just like dil, who seemingly checks in on his team 30 days, and has a contender every single year. He is supremely effective on minimal effort, just like First Shield Trio.
dirt: rotating spice rack
like this spice rack, dirt's roster is always spinning around. Moves upon moves upon moves. Sometimes when I'm bored I can go give the spice rack a push just to watch it spin. Sometimes when dirt is bored he makes a trade just to watch the ripple effect on his roster. But I can also use this spice rack to bring the meals I'm cooking up a notch, and dirt used that same relentless trade instinct to build what we all thought was a fluky title team, but turns out is actually a god tier championship threat for the foreseeable future.
druce: Timeline
Michael Crichton's most overlooked great book goes to our league's most overlooked great GM. Druce was the first GM in 4.0 to build a championship winner with two separate cores, which is really impressive. He still seems to find gems in the draft every single year. Timeline, the book, is even better than Jurassic Park in my mind. This book is seriously great. It's about guys using the laws of quantum mechanics to send some archaeologists back to medieval times. Knights and bloodshed and all sorts of awesome stuff results. Just pretend that the horrific movie adaptation never happened.
duc: this picture of Fiona
You all know Fiona the border collie by now. This is a picture I drew of her last fall. I think it's a swell picture, and I think I did a good job making it. It's recognizably Fiona, which is pretty neat. Duc is a lot like this picture. He seems like a swell guy, and I think he's done a really good job building up his current roster. Pretty much all of his significant contributors are signed for the next 2 years at minimum, and enough of them are so young that just sitting pat into next season will probably take him over 50 wins next year.
dump: this chair
I bought this chair second-hand for really cheap against my wife's wishes. She really did not want this chair, but I thought it would work out pretty well in a couple spots in my house. As it turns out, this is not a good chair. I was wrong to push for getting this chair. I really regret buying this chair, and now I kind of hate it. If I could wind back the clock, I would not under any circumstances go out of my way for this chair.
eric: this fake rock
Have you seen those fake rocks in SkyMall that will hide your house key? This is like that, except not from SkyMall. It looks like a rock, but it isn't really a rock. That's a lot like eric as a GM. Now don't get me wrong, there are things I really appreciate about both eric and this fake rock. This fake rock hides my house key when I lock myself out. eric has deciphered the software in ways noone ever has before. But ultimately this rock is not a real rock, and eric is not a real GM, and I don't think either of them has any interest in becoming real versions of what they pretend to be.
fason: The Crock Pot
Let me tell you something about the crock pot: it is AWESOME. I make a lot of meals in the crock pot, and I would do it more often if I didn't forget to prep the meal before leaving in the morning so often. The crock pot makes really great meals, but it's in no hurry to do so. It's called a slow cooker, because that's what it does: it cooks things slowly. Fason GMs the same way. He built a fantastic team, and he did it slowly. He very patiently tanked his brains out and then drafted stud after stud and had himself a championship level team.
GBG: The Book of Basketball
I bought this book not long after it came out, and I thought it was an entertaining read. I refer back to it sometimes. I only have one real problem with it: there is a slight hint of arrogance through most of it (canes is currently nodding his head vigorously), arrogance that I don't really feel Simmons has earned. GBG is a lot like that. All season he's been peacocking in shout, bumping the power rankings article whenever he has a good sim, and advising me in PMs what I should do with my pick. I just don't really feel like GBG has earned the right to strut like that. Know your place, rook.
heel: the icemaker
I think this fridge was only a couple months old when we moved in. And for a while, the icemaker worked great. Ice on demand, every time I wanted it! But after only like 6 months the water dispenser quit working and it takes a while for ice to come out when I requested it. Heel was a great GM for the first few seasons. Lanier and Gilmore are still maybe the best big tandem we've seen in 4.0, and he won a title with another core. But then I don't know what the hell happened. Why did heel stop making sense after a few seasons? Why did my icemaker quit working so quickly?
herb: Prairie Artisan Ales beers
What you see is one bottle of Pirate Bomb, and one bottle of Apple Brandy Noir. This has nothing to do with herb, except that I know he desperately wants to try these beers, I have them, and I am keeping them.
Ian: the Litter Genie
This was a very smart invention, and I hope whoever came up with it made a lot of money. It's a self-contained disposal system for my cats' litter boxes. Poop goes in the lid, the lid shuts, and the poop is automatically bagged in an airtight bag so I can't smell it, and I can get it to the garbage can with minimal effort. It's probably the smartest cat poop disposal system ever devised by man. Ian is one of the smartest guys in the league when it comes to how the software operates, he presents the machinations of the software with absolute authority, but given his level of success in 4.0, I'm starting to think that, like the Litter Genie, a lot of times he's full of shit.
Jerry West: The backyard toilet
This toilet is great. It is in a separate building away from my house in the backyard. I can sit on this throne, and while I take a shit can gaze out upon my entire backyard. It is a really nice place to defecate. But I have really neglected the cleanliness of this toilet. There's now spiderwebs around it, and something is growing on the underside of the lid. That really has detracted from the shitting experience with this toilet. If I would give it some elbow grease, this could be a fantastic toilet again. It could really be something. In this analogy, Jerry is me, and the Indiana Pacers are my toilet.
kn88: Sneak King
Do you guys remember when Burger King was giving away xbox360 games with combo meals? I have 2 of the 3 games they gave out, and of the 2 this one is my favorite. You play the Burger King, and you have to sneak up on people and give them burgers. If they see you, you lose. It's basically a fast food version of Metal Gear Solid or Thief. kn88 gets compared to Sneak King and not the other Burger King game I have, Pocket Bike Racer, because he has been sneaking up on the league for all of 4.0. He gets no credit for being, I feel, a legitimately great GM. He's nailed the draft maybe more than anyone else in the league, and he has wrecked dudes in trades (Pierce, Champ) over the past few seasons. He made an unpopular decision to keep Bledsoe when he had that mini-tank, but it paid off in spades. It's actually pretty surprising he doesn't have a ring by now.
mj: my 10 year old iPod
I bought this iPod when I graduated high school. I have never upgraded from it or replaced it. It still kind of works. It's battery life is pretty hit and miss, sometimes it doesn't want to turn on at all, sometimes the battery works but it just straight up refuses to play a song. Sometimes it frustrates me, but I like it anyway. mj is a lot like that for me. I like the guy a bunch, but it's pretty clear that his attention span for sim league waxes and wanes (much like mine, now that I think about it), and sometimes he takes forever to respond to a trade offer, or doesn't respond at all. He's perfectly functional, but now that Magic has retired, maybe his glory days are gone like the glory days of this iPod that has a color screen, but doesn't have the ability to play video.
ocho: Abraham Lincoln riding a T-Rex
This is a picture that hangs in our hallway. This picture is super badass. I mean look at it. Abraham Lincoln is riding a fucking dinosaur. If this were real life, the Civil War would have been over in about 45 minutes. I always have trouble with ocho on these types of articles, and I don't know why. I talk to him as much as I talk to anyone in sim league, i like him, he's a solid dude, I just can't get a distinctive angle on the guy. I certainly didn't want to insult him by comparing him to my washing machine. So I just went with my favorite thing that I hadn't compared to anyone. This picture is awesome.
Odin: The Enchanted World Time Life series
Odin is named after a mythical god, and is the height of a literal giant. Because of this, there can be no other comparison then the Time Life book series about magical creatures and legends and the world's folklore. I really enjoy this book series. It has a lot of cool art, and contains a lot of crazy old stories that have been passed down through generations. You guys should all look up this Time Life series, it's great fun.
This entry brought to you by Time Life.
Pete: The Furminator
As you all know, I have a shitload of pets. Some might say too many in fact. Fiona and Lemmy both shed like crazy. They leave drifts of hair in their wake. Frequent vacuuming was necessary to keep the house looking presentable. But that all changed when we purchased the Furminator. This is like the world's greatest dog and cat brush. It sucks up animal hair like a vacuum cleaner made out of sponges and covered in velcro. It has made our lives immeasurably better. Pete joining 4.0 was like sim league finding the Furminator. Pete has brought so much to this league, he's funny, he does good stuff on the podcast, he writes good articles. He even has a title! I think we would all agree that this league is better because Pete is now here.
rv: scissors
There's this running theme in my house. We have at least 3 pairs of scissors, but whenever we need to use scissors, we can't find any. Damn things run off and hide. What should be 10 seconds of paper or thread cutting turns into 5 minutes of looking, followed by 10 seconds of paper cutting. rv in sim league is kind of like scissors in my house. Are you looking for him? He's not here. Do you not need to talk to him about anything? He won't get out of shout. It's like magic. Why is he always gone when people need him, but present when no one has any business with him? And where do my scissors keep running off to?
rw: this ball of fluff
Fiona ripped this out of a stuffed animal. I found it on the floor. It is a worthless piece of fuzz that cluttered my house and also happens to look like male genitalia. When I picked it up to throw it away, it still had dog slobber all over it. rw brings nothing to this league, he actively makes it worse, he is unpleasant to interact with and he likes male genitalia. That is all.
soup: a DVD of Spider-Man 3
You all were wondering who the hell would ever buy this movie? I'm the one you were looking for. This part isn't relevant to the thrust of this entry, but I really do think it's much better than its reputation. They managed to make Sandman a very sympathetic character, something ASM2 couldn't do for the similarly one-note Shocker. If you just cut out all the parts of Peter Parker being influenced by the symbiote, it's not a bad movie at all. Anyway, the history of this movie is littered with references to how Sam Raimi hated making it, hated that they made him include Venom, and hated the finished product. He wanted to use Lizard and Sandman, but the studio forced him to use Venom instead of Lizard. I feel like I am Spider-Man 3 to Soup's Sam Raimi. I'm pretty sure he just does not like any part of interacting with me, and probably wishes I was not here. But this DVD is here to stay in my house, and I'm not going anywhere either. At least until the next time I really fuck up my roster.
trofie: this stationary bike
I have this stationary bike in front of a TV in our spare room. It's nice to use while I watch the NBA or Harry Potter or some shit. You all understand how stationary bikes work, right? You pedal and you pedal and you work and you work, but ultimately you don't go anywhere. I like the way trofie runs his team, he's a very brave GM who is never afraid to make a deal, but lately it seems like he is doing all this work and making all these deals and not really doing anything that makes his team better.
Victor: This christmas light timer
I bought this timer before we left town last Thanksgiving, so that a lamp in our front room would turn on and off each evening, maintaining the illusion that we were home and discouraging burglars. It seems like it should be so simple to set up that I didn't even bother reading the instructions, and just went by intuition. When we got home, I realized I didn't actually know shit about the operations of this simple Christmas light timer, and the lamp had not been turning on at all, leaving our house still at enormous risk of burglary. If I had just read the instructions the first time, the lamp would have been turning on and off properly the way I intended it to. This story reminds me of vic, because he really did not want to take instruction from a veteran GM when he first signed up, and ended up doing his franchise some real harm in the process. He made some bad trades and gave away some valuable draft picks. He seems to now have the hang of it, just like how I can now properly use the Christmas light timer, but it was a rough start.
Yawn: This Hawaiian Obama bottle opener
What do we know about yawn? He works in government, and he likes to drink. This bottle opener is a replica of a man who works in government, and it helps me drink. This was actually the first comparison I came up with in this article, but it didn't really get much below surface level. I really like the bottle opener though. Look at Obama with his ukulele there.
20s: The Scentsy smokeless candle
Some of you probably know a girl with a high school education who sells these on facebook. It's basically a reservoir filled with scented wax that you put above a light bulb. So not only is it highly decorative, it also brings light and wonderful smells to my house. When you put in a new block of wax, the smell becomes so strong that you can smell it in other rooms of the house. This reminds me of 20s because he has a positive attitude and happy disposition so powerful that it seems to bleed over into other people in shout. Shout is happier, brighter and doesn't stink as much when 20s is around.
Ank: This carved wooden skeleton
I got this skeleton on a trip to Nogales, Mexico when I was 14. It was being sold by a desperate, impoverished man who didn't have two pennies to rub together. I ended up haggling him down to 40% of his original asking price. I was very pleased when I walked away with my prize, received at extreme discount, from that sad man who didn't have any real leverage and was debating with a person coming from a position of power. That reminds me of all of ank's trades.
Bankz: The Necronomicon
This is a collection of stories written by the famed horror writer HP Lovecraft. He came up with Cthulhu, and a bunch of other horror shit that you've probably heard of. Bankz's roster is currently a Lovecraftian nightmare, the mere sight of which can drive one to madness.
Bruns: This bottle of vicodin
My wife got these after getting her wisdom teeth taken out, but she really hated vicodin so we still have most of this bottle. I bet bruns would really love to have this bottle of vicodin right now, as he gets over having his foot impaled on a spike.
Buster: The original Dune trilogy
Dune is one of the most influential sci-fi trilogies ever written. This saga takes place on the planet of Arrakhis, and follows the life of Paul Atriedes (later Paul Maud'dib) and his children. "The spice must flow" comes from Dune. The problem is that in my opinion, the first Dune book is great and then the second and third (pictured out of order), really fall off the rails. When I joined 2.0, Buster was at worst, the consensus second best GM in the league. He had Westbrook, and a rotating assortment of stars around him. He won 4 titles I believe. 2.0 was his Dune. 4.0 Buster has been his Dune Messiah/Children of Dune. He has really struggled to get on track. He's had a couple good moments, but it has never been the same as it was in the beginning.
Canes: The Big Short
This is a book about how the greed of bankers on the bond market brought about the ruin of the financial system of the world's most powerful country. Similarly, the greed of a GM on the trade market brought about the ruin of a franchise that won 3 lottos in a row.
dil: my dog's flea and tick medication
Fleas and ticks can be a real problem for dogs in Oklahoma. Those little bastards are all over the place. So I get the First Shield Trio from the vet for my dogs. This stuff is great. I apply it once a month, and then I can just forget about fleas and ticks for 30 days. Just like dil, who seemingly checks in on his team 30 days, and has a contender every single year. He is supremely effective on minimal effort, just like First Shield Trio.
dirt: rotating spice rack
like this spice rack, dirt's roster is always spinning around. Moves upon moves upon moves. Sometimes when I'm bored I can go give the spice rack a push just to watch it spin. Sometimes when dirt is bored he makes a trade just to watch the ripple effect on his roster. But I can also use this spice rack to bring the meals I'm cooking up a notch, and dirt used that same relentless trade instinct to build what we all thought was a fluky title team, but turns out is actually a god tier championship threat for the foreseeable future.
druce: Timeline
Michael Crichton's most overlooked great book goes to our league's most overlooked great GM. Druce was the first GM in 4.0 to build a championship winner with two separate cores, which is really impressive. He still seems to find gems in the draft every single year. Timeline, the book, is even better than Jurassic Park in my mind. This book is seriously great. It's about guys using the laws of quantum mechanics to send some archaeologists back to medieval times. Knights and bloodshed and all sorts of awesome stuff results. Just pretend that the horrific movie adaptation never happened.
duc: this picture of Fiona
You all know Fiona the border collie by now. This is a picture I drew of her last fall. I think it's a swell picture, and I think I did a good job making it. It's recognizably Fiona, which is pretty neat. Duc is a lot like this picture. He seems like a swell guy, and I think he's done a really good job building up his current roster. Pretty much all of his significant contributors are signed for the next 2 years at minimum, and enough of them are so young that just sitting pat into next season will probably take him over 50 wins next year.
dump: this chair
I bought this chair second-hand for really cheap against my wife's wishes. She really did not want this chair, but I thought it would work out pretty well in a couple spots in my house. As it turns out, this is not a good chair. I was wrong to push for getting this chair. I really regret buying this chair, and now I kind of hate it. If I could wind back the clock, I would not under any circumstances go out of my way for this chair.
eric: this fake rock
Have you seen those fake rocks in SkyMall that will hide your house key? This is like that, except not from SkyMall. It looks like a rock, but it isn't really a rock. That's a lot like eric as a GM. Now don't get me wrong, there are things I really appreciate about both eric and this fake rock. This fake rock hides my house key when I lock myself out. eric has deciphered the software in ways noone ever has before. But ultimately this rock is not a real rock, and eric is not a real GM, and I don't think either of them has any interest in becoming real versions of what they pretend to be.
fason: The Crock Pot
Let me tell you something about the crock pot: it is AWESOME. I make a lot of meals in the crock pot, and I would do it more often if I didn't forget to prep the meal before leaving in the morning so often. The crock pot makes really great meals, but it's in no hurry to do so. It's called a slow cooker, because that's what it does: it cooks things slowly. Fason GMs the same way. He built a fantastic team, and he did it slowly. He very patiently tanked his brains out and then drafted stud after stud and had himself a championship level team.
GBG: The Book of Basketball
I bought this book not long after it came out, and I thought it was an entertaining read. I refer back to it sometimes. I only have one real problem with it: there is a slight hint of arrogance through most of it (canes is currently nodding his head vigorously), arrogance that I don't really feel Simmons has earned. GBG is a lot like that. All season he's been peacocking in shout, bumping the power rankings article whenever he has a good sim, and advising me in PMs what I should do with my pick. I just don't really feel like GBG has earned the right to strut like that. Know your place, rook.
heel: the icemaker
I think this fridge was only a couple months old when we moved in. And for a while, the icemaker worked great. Ice on demand, every time I wanted it! But after only like 6 months the water dispenser quit working and it takes a while for ice to come out when I requested it. Heel was a great GM for the first few seasons. Lanier and Gilmore are still maybe the best big tandem we've seen in 4.0, and he won a title with another core. But then I don't know what the hell happened. Why did heel stop making sense after a few seasons? Why did my icemaker quit working so quickly?
herb: Prairie Artisan Ales beers
What you see is one bottle of Pirate Bomb, and one bottle of Apple Brandy Noir. This has nothing to do with herb, except that I know he desperately wants to try these beers, I have them, and I am keeping them.
Ian: the Litter Genie
This was a very smart invention, and I hope whoever came up with it made a lot of money. It's a self-contained disposal system for my cats' litter boxes. Poop goes in the lid, the lid shuts, and the poop is automatically bagged in an airtight bag so I can't smell it, and I can get it to the garbage can with minimal effort. It's probably the smartest cat poop disposal system ever devised by man. Ian is one of the smartest guys in the league when it comes to how the software operates, he presents the machinations of the software with absolute authority, but given his level of success in 4.0, I'm starting to think that, like the Litter Genie, a lot of times he's full of shit.
Jerry West: The backyard toilet
This toilet is great. It is in a separate building away from my house in the backyard. I can sit on this throne, and while I take a shit can gaze out upon my entire backyard. It is a really nice place to defecate. But I have really neglected the cleanliness of this toilet. There's now spiderwebs around it, and something is growing on the underside of the lid. That really has detracted from the shitting experience with this toilet. If I would give it some elbow grease, this could be a fantastic toilet again. It could really be something. In this analogy, Jerry is me, and the Indiana Pacers are my toilet.
kn88: Sneak King
Do you guys remember when Burger King was giving away xbox360 games with combo meals? I have 2 of the 3 games they gave out, and of the 2 this one is my favorite. You play the Burger King, and you have to sneak up on people and give them burgers. If they see you, you lose. It's basically a fast food version of Metal Gear Solid or Thief. kn88 gets compared to Sneak King and not the other Burger King game I have, Pocket Bike Racer, because he has been sneaking up on the league for all of 4.0. He gets no credit for being, I feel, a legitimately great GM. He's nailed the draft maybe more than anyone else in the league, and he has wrecked dudes in trades (Pierce, Champ) over the past few seasons. He made an unpopular decision to keep Bledsoe when he had that mini-tank, but it paid off in spades. It's actually pretty surprising he doesn't have a ring by now.
mj: my 10 year old iPod
I bought this iPod when I graduated high school. I have never upgraded from it or replaced it. It still kind of works. It's battery life is pretty hit and miss, sometimes it doesn't want to turn on at all, sometimes the battery works but it just straight up refuses to play a song. Sometimes it frustrates me, but I like it anyway. mj is a lot like that for me. I like the guy a bunch, but it's pretty clear that his attention span for sim league waxes and wanes (much like mine, now that I think about it), and sometimes he takes forever to respond to a trade offer, or doesn't respond at all. He's perfectly functional, but now that Magic has retired, maybe his glory days are gone like the glory days of this iPod that has a color screen, but doesn't have the ability to play video.
ocho: Abraham Lincoln riding a T-Rex
This is a picture that hangs in our hallway. This picture is super badass. I mean look at it. Abraham Lincoln is riding a fucking dinosaur. If this were real life, the Civil War would have been over in about 45 minutes. I always have trouble with ocho on these types of articles, and I don't know why. I talk to him as much as I talk to anyone in sim league, i like him, he's a solid dude, I just can't get a distinctive angle on the guy. I certainly didn't want to insult him by comparing him to my washing machine. So I just went with my favorite thing that I hadn't compared to anyone. This picture is awesome.
Odin: The Enchanted World Time Life series
Odin is named after a mythical god, and is the height of a literal giant. Because of this, there can be no other comparison then the Time Life book series about magical creatures and legends and the world's folklore. I really enjoy this book series. It has a lot of cool art, and contains a lot of crazy old stories that have been passed down through generations. You guys should all look up this Time Life series, it's great fun.
This entry brought to you by Time Life.
Pete: The Furminator
As you all know, I have a shitload of pets. Some might say too many in fact. Fiona and Lemmy both shed like crazy. They leave drifts of hair in their wake. Frequent vacuuming was necessary to keep the house looking presentable. But that all changed when we purchased the Furminator. This is like the world's greatest dog and cat brush. It sucks up animal hair like a vacuum cleaner made out of sponges and covered in velcro. It has made our lives immeasurably better. Pete joining 4.0 was like sim league finding the Furminator. Pete has brought so much to this league, he's funny, he does good stuff on the podcast, he writes good articles. He even has a title! I think we would all agree that this league is better because Pete is now here.
rv: scissors
There's this running theme in my house. We have at least 3 pairs of scissors, but whenever we need to use scissors, we can't find any. Damn things run off and hide. What should be 10 seconds of paper or thread cutting turns into 5 minutes of looking, followed by 10 seconds of paper cutting. rv in sim league is kind of like scissors in my house. Are you looking for him? He's not here. Do you not need to talk to him about anything? He won't get out of shout. It's like magic. Why is he always gone when people need him, but present when no one has any business with him? And where do my scissors keep running off to?
rw: this ball of fluff
Fiona ripped this out of a stuffed animal. I found it on the floor. It is a worthless piece of fuzz that cluttered my house and also happens to look like male genitalia. When I picked it up to throw it away, it still had dog slobber all over it. rw brings nothing to this league, he actively makes it worse, he is unpleasant to interact with and he likes male genitalia. That is all.
soup: a DVD of Spider-Man 3
You all were wondering who the hell would ever buy this movie? I'm the one you were looking for. This part isn't relevant to the thrust of this entry, but I really do think it's much better than its reputation. They managed to make Sandman a very sympathetic character, something ASM2 couldn't do for the similarly one-note Shocker. If you just cut out all the parts of Peter Parker being influenced by the symbiote, it's not a bad movie at all. Anyway, the history of this movie is littered with references to how Sam Raimi hated making it, hated that they made him include Venom, and hated the finished product. He wanted to use Lizard and Sandman, but the studio forced him to use Venom instead of Lizard. I feel like I am Spider-Man 3 to Soup's Sam Raimi. I'm pretty sure he just does not like any part of interacting with me, and probably wishes I was not here. But this DVD is here to stay in my house, and I'm not going anywhere either. At least until the next time I really fuck up my roster.
trofie: this stationary bike
I have this stationary bike in front of a TV in our spare room. It's nice to use while I watch the NBA or Harry Potter or some shit. You all understand how stationary bikes work, right? You pedal and you pedal and you work and you work, but ultimately you don't go anywhere. I like the way trofie runs his team, he's a very brave GM who is never afraid to make a deal, but lately it seems like he is doing all this work and making all these deals and not really doing anything that makes his team better.
Victor: This christmas light timer
I bought this timer before we left town last Thanksgiving, so that a lamp in our front room would turn on and off each evening, maintaining the illusion that we were home and discouraging burglars. It seems like it should be so simple to set up that I didn't even bother reading the instructions, and just went by intuition. When we got home, I realized I didn't actually know shit about the operations of this simple Christmas light timer, and the lamp had not been turning on at all, leaving our house still at enormous risk of burglary. If I had just read the instructions the first time, the lamp would have been turning on and off properly the way I intended it to. This story reminds me of vic, because he really did not want to take instruction from a veteran GM when he first signed up, and ended up doing his franchise some real harm in the process. He made some bad trades and gave away some valuable draft picks. He seems to now have the hang of it, just like how I can now properly use the Christmas light timer, but it was a rough start.
Yawn: This Hawaiian Obama bottle opener
What do we know about yawn? He works in government, and he likes to drink. This bottle opener is a replica of a man who works in government, and it helps me drink. This was actually the first comparison I came up with in this article, but it didn't really get much below surface level. I really like the bottle opener though. Look at Obama with his ukulele there.
