Post by KwYawnza on Jun 6, 2014 19:44:15 GMT -6
I have a great deal of time on my hands so I decided that maybe I’d dip my toe back in the ol’ article writing circuit. Last time I wrote one of these I believe Moby Dick was still a minnow. I decided to kick it bedrock style and do the classic “GM as…” articles. In this iteration I will be looking at the Western Conference, more commonly styled as the “Bestern Conference” by nobody except maybe Ian, it’s GMs and teams and how they strike me as compared to songs I’ve recently been nodding my head to while sending in useless job application after useless job application.
Without Further ado.
Dallas Mavericks
GM: Soup
Song: Talking Heads – Once in a Lifetime
Why-Quite Simply this came down to Led Zeppelin’s “The Song Remains the Same” and this little Talking Heads diddy. At the end it came down to which youtube video wasn’t a shitty Earl’s Court London show with Robert Plant being a douche nozzle. So Talking Heads win. The refrain of “Same as it ever was” certainly applies to Soup. It feels like the Dallas Mavericks have been good for the past 75 sims. With David “Luke” Thompson and the recently acquired Larry Kenon it’s the Same as It Ever was with the Lonestar State’s premier franchise.
Denver Nuggets
GM: Jerrah West
Song: Blitzen Trapper – Sleepytime in the Western World
Why-If you change this song to “Sleepytime in the Western Conference” you would hit the Nuggets season right on the head. It’s the definition of meh. Lucas is probably the best piece on this team and he’s 29 with B defense in the post. After that it is Jim Sparknozzle’s nascent potential and a bunch of 9 point a game scorers. With all this cap space Uncle Jerrah is spending this season catching his Zzzs waiting for the off season.
Houston Rockets
GM: Dilworth
Song: Pearl Jam – Come Back
Why-[/u][/i] There is little doubt that the citizens of Houston are clamoring for the return of their Hipster in Chief, user Dilworth. Buster has led a steady ship but he is currently occupied with ensuring that gasoline is poured on the dumpster fire that is the LA Lakers at a constant rate. Houston certainly has some nice pieces in Billy Knight, Elmore Smith, and George McGinnis. However the roster is locked pretty tight with cap space and the Rockettes need their GM to stop trafficking opium and baklava and to instead start making some moves. FYI: the live version of this song linked in the youtubes video is one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs evah. Makes great 4 am depression music.
Memphis Grizzles
GM: Druce
Song Bob Dylan – Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again
Why- Because it is a total cop out. I do love this song, however to say that a 7 minute rambling Bob Dylan song describes the Memphis Grizzlies to a T would be a flat out lie. The Grizz have one player averaging over 20 ppg and it is the human turnstile that is Bill Brennan. He’s more circus freak than defensive player. Bruce made a big move by recently trading away soon to be free agent Alvan Adams to the floundering Dumptics for a handful of 1sts. This could be a potentially sweet deal because this roster needs a serious injection of talent. As an aside I think Druce is going a pretty solid at the completely thankless job of Draft Master.
Minnesota Timberwolves
GM: IanBoyd
Song Sigur Ros – Svefn-g-englar
Why- Guess who is back? Back in the Saddle again? I mean all of these could have been choices to best describe the resurrection of the IanWolves. So why did I choose this random ass Sigur Ros track? Well first because I quite enjoy this song. Second because Sigur Ros sing in a made up language. Often times during shout I think Ian is speaking in fluent Fastbreak Basketball. Finally the song title almost matches up with the T-Wolves talismanic big man. Swen Nater may have a weird name but he’s pretty sweet playing at the 5. This team is quite deep. Hopefully Ian won’t be posting that weird waterfall crying gif in the playoffs this year. For everyone’s sake.
Oklahoma City Thunder
GM: JamesHardenMerkin
Song: The Smiths – I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish
Why-Besides being a fraudulent franchise located in a wasteland of white trash and meth, the Oklahoma City Thunder are paper tigers. User JHM made waves with some big movies early in the first season that were supposed to solidify the Thunder as early contenders in 4.0, if not the outright favorites. However, those picks fell short of expectations and now this team is locked into its current roster. There are some very nice pieces but the lack of flexibility for the Thunder is a serious hindrance to their GM’s title ambitions. JHM Started something that he couldn’t finish.
Utah Jazz
GM: 2Poor
Song: White Panda – Cashin’ Dream
Why-Because 2poor can answer ever challenge with the simple response of “PSH!” Swen Nater and Elvin Hayes are tearing it up? PSH! Try Caldwell Jones and George Johnson. 30 and 7 with insane percentages and sky high potential isn’t feasible? PSH! The Iceman has cometh and George Gervin is swerving all over the court. 2poor is the defending champion because of the big dick trade he pulled off at last season’s trade deadline. The only thing holding this team from running through the regular season is the insane degree of difficulty posed by the Midwest. With Caldwell Jones up for free agency this off season 2poor is definitely looking to seal his 2nd title up right quick.
Golden State Warriors
GM: Devine4FreeAgency
Song Silver Jews – Honky If You’re Lonely Tonight
Why- Poor Devine. He’s currently on the outside of the playoff picture. That could change in any remaining sims but the top heavy Western Conference is not the place where you want to just sneak into the playoffs. The good news is user Devine has cap space and fair degree of flexibility. With Richard Washington up for free agency he’ll need to make a decision between either going all in or fading back into the tank picture. The current model isn’t offering the best odds for a title.
Los Angeles Clippers
GM: Dirt
Song Pixies – Here Comes Your Man
Why- Dirt is doing a fantastic job of tanking with some serious assets at hand. Marvin Webster and Lionel Hollins both look to be legit players. Pistol Pete has put up absurd numbers that would make the hardened sim leaguer blush. However, this is all about one person. Here Comes Your Man in Ervin “Magic” Johnson. Magic didn’t have the best TC known to man but he is he putting up seasoned pro type numbers. With the right picks and mid level exception Dirt can retool this roster into a serious contender with some quickness. The future is bright in LA
Los Angeles Lakers
GM: Buster
Song Joy Division – Atrocity Exhibition.
Why- When I said the future is bright in LA, I meant on the Clippers side, because right now the Lakers side of the City of Angels is a slow motion train wreck. Vinnie Johnson doesn’t look like he will be in anyone’s future plans with how he is playing right now. John Lucas is ok, but who knows what his production will look like with a real team. The Lakers are so bad right now everything is a question mark. Buster’s going to need to cash in on his cap space and nail his picks if he wants to contend anytime soon. I have full faith in his ability, but god is it ugly right now. In short, the Lakers are an Atrocity Exhibition at this moment in time.
New Orleans Pelicans
GM: Oops
Song Loudon Wainwright – The Swimming Song
Why- I chose Loudon Wainwright’s “The Swimming Song” because it’s a nice little whimsical tune about carefree swimming in the summer. Right now, one has to imagine given his recent trade of Larry Kenon that user Oops is spending his time in the pool working on his doggy paddle instead of worrying about the sim results. Although the Pellies are middling right now, with Kenon gone they should fade a little harder down the stretch. Especially if Campy Russell is shipped out in the next few sims.
Phoenix Suns
GM: Ankly
Song: Frank Ocean – The Sweet Life
Why- I chose Frank Ocean here not because Phoenix are doing well (which given the Western Conference they are) but simply because they are a real franchise again. It’s like going from the poor house to the pour house. Not having Mops in the league is a breath of fresh air for the citizens of Phoenix. Actually, for everyone involved in the sim league as well. Bobby Jones and John Williamson are the two big timers on this suns roster and they may have the most generic names known to man. I’m going to assume Bobby Jones is the golf legend as well. Versatility baby. I had a buddy who used to call this Frank Ocean album “Baby Making Music” and I have to concur with that assessment.
Portland Trailblazers
GM Duc
Song: Chromeo – Jealous
Why- I don’t know if it really fits, but right now I love this song and I love how Duc has built the trailblazers. Bill Walton is a super duper star that makes any team a contender and Duc has done a pretty good job of surrounding him with a solid ensemble. John Shumate is a nice PF with an attractive contract. If Duc can retain Walton this team could be contending at the top for the foreseeable future. I’ve had a sweet spot for Chromeo since they were on FIFA 2011 (I Think.) I first heard this song driving to Asheville a few weeks ago, which led to me promptly downloading it off of iTunes (which I never do) and playing it ad nausem on the drive back to PA.
Without Further ado.
Dallas Mavericks
GM: Soup
Song: Talking Heads – Once in a Lifetime
Why-Quite Simply this came down to Led Zeppelin’s “The Song Remains the Same” and this little Talking Heads diddy. At the end it came down to which youtube video wasn’t a shitty Earl’s Court London show with Robert Plant being a douche nozzle. So Talking Heads win. The refrain of “Same as it ever was” certainly applies to Soup. It feels like the Dallas Mavericks have been good for the past 75 sims. With David “Luke” Thompson and the recently acquired Larry Kenon it’s the Same as It Ever was with the Lonestar State’s premier franchise.
Denver Nuggets
GM: Jerrah West
Song: Blitzen Trapper – Sleepytime in the Western World
Why-If you change this song to “Sleepytime in the Western Conference” you would hit the Nuggets season right on the head. It’s the definition of meh. Lucas is probably the best piece on this team and he’s 29 with B defense in the post. After that it is Jim Sparknozzle’s nascent potential and a bunch of 9 point a game scorers. With all this cap space Uncle Jerrah is spending this season catching his Zzzs waiting for the off season.
Houston Rockets
GM: Dilworth
Song: Pearl Jam – Come Back
Why-[/u][/i] There is little doubt that the citizens of Houston are clamoring for the return of their Hipster in Chief, user Dilworth. Buster has led a steady ship but he is currently occupied with ensuring that gasoline is poured on the dumpster fire that is the LA Lakers at a constant rate. Houston certainly has some nice pieces in Billy Knight, Elmore Smith, and George McGinnis. However the roster is locked pretty tight with cap space and the Rockettes need their GM to stop trafficking opium and baklava and to instead start making some moves. FYI: the live version of this song linked in the youtubes video is one of my favorite Pearl Jam songs evah. Makes great 4 am depression music.
Memphis Grizzles
GM: Druce
Song Bob Dylan – Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Again
Why- Because it is a total cop out. I do love this song, however to say that a 7 minute rambling Bob Dylan song describes the Memphis Grizzlies to a T would be a flat out lie. The Grizz have one player averaging over 20 ppg and it is the human turnstile that is Bill Brennan. He’s more circus freak than defensive player. Bruce made a big move by recently trading away soon to be free agent Alvan Adams to the floundering Dumptics for a handful of 1sts. This could be a potentially sweet deal because this roster needs a serious injection of talent. As an aside I think Druce is going a pretty solid at the completely thankless job of Draft Master.
Minnesota Timberwolves
GM: IanBoyd
Song Sigur Ros – Svefn-g-englar
Why- Guess who is back? Back in the Saddle again? I mean all of these could have been choices to best describe the resurrection of the IanWolves. So why did I choose this random ass Sigur Ros track? Well first because I quite enjoy this song. Second because Sigur Ros sing in a made up language. Often times during shout I think Ian is speaking in fluent Fastbreak Basketball. Finally the song title almost matches up with the T-Wolves talismanic big man. Swen Nater may have a weird name but he’s pretty sweet playing at the 5. This team is quite deep. Hopefully Ian won’t be posting that weird waterfall crying gif in the playoffs this year. For everyone’s sake.
Oklahoma City Thunder
GM: JamesHardenMerkin
Song: The Smiths – I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish
Why-Besides being a fraudulent franchise located in a wasteland of white trash and meth, the Oklahoma City Thunder are paper tigers. User JHM made waves with some big movies early in the first season that were supposed to solidify the Thunder as early contenders in 4.0, if not the outright favorites. However, those picks fell short of expectations and now this team is locked into its current roster. There are some very nice pieces but the lack of flexibility for the Thunder is a serious hindrance to their GM’s title ambitions. JHM Started something that he couldn’t finish.
Utah Jazz
GM: 2Poor
Song: White Panda – Cashin’ Dream
Why-Because 2poor can answer ever challenge with the simple response of “PSH!” Swen Nater and Elvin Hayes are tearing it up? PSH! Try Caldwell Jones and George Johnson. 30 and 7 with insane percentages and sky high potential isn’t feasible? PSH! The Iceman has cometh and George Gervin is swerving all over the court. 2poor is the defending champion because of the big dick trade he pulled off at last season’s trade deadline. The only thing holding this team from running through the regular season is the insane degree of difficulty posed by the Midwest. With Caldwell Jones up for free agency this off season 2poor is definitely looking to seal his 2nd title up right quick.
Golden State Warriors
GM: Devine4FreeAgency
Song Silver Jews – Honky If You’re Lonely Tonight
Why- Poor Devine. He’s currently on the outside of the playoff picture. That could change in any remaining sims but the top heavy Western Conference is not the place where you want to just sneak into the playoffs. The good news is user Devine has cap space and fair degree of flexibility. With Richard Washington up for free agency he’ll need to make a decision between either going all in or fading back into the tank picture. The current model isn’t offering the best odds for a title.
Los Angeles Clippers
GM: Dirt
Song Pixies – Here Comes Your Man
Why- Dirt is doing a fantastic job of tanking with some serious assets at hand. Marvin Webster and Lionel Hollins both look to be legit players. Pistol Pete has put up absurd numbers that would make the hardened sim leaguer blush. However, this is all about one person. Here Comes Your Man in Ervin “Magic” Johnson. Magic didn’t have the best TC known to man but he is he putting up seasoned pro type numbers. With the right picks and mid level exception Dirt can retool this roster into a serious contender with some quickness. The future is bright in LA
Los Angeles Lakers
GM: Buster
Song Joy Division – Atrocity Exhibition.
Why- When I said the future is bright in LA, I meant on the Clippers side, because right now the Lakers side of the City of Angels is a slow motion train wreck. Vinnie Johnson doesn’t look like he will be in anyone’s future plans with how he is playing right now. John Lucas is ok, but who knows what his production will look like with a real team. The Lakers are so bad right now everything is a question mark. Buster’s going to need to cash in on his cap space and nail his picks if he wants to contend anytime soon. I have full faith in his ability, but god is it ugly right now. In short, the Lakers are an Atrocity Exhibition at this moment in time.
New Orleans Pelicans
GM: Oops
Song Loudon Wainwright – The Swimming Song
Why- I chose Loudon Wainwright’s “The Swimming Song” because it’s a nice little whimsical tune about carefree swimming in the summer. Right now, one has to imagine given his recent trade of Larry Kenon that user Oops is spending his time in the pool working on his doggy paddle instead of worrying about the sim results. Although the Pellies are middling right now, with Kenon gone they should fade a little harder down the stretch. Especially if Campy Russell is shipped out in the next few sims.
Phoenix Suns
GM: Ankly
Song: Frank Ocean – The Sweet Life
Why- I chose Frank Ocean here not because Phoenix are doing well (which given the Western Conference they are) but simply because they are a real franchise again. It’s like going from the poor house to the pour house. Not having Mops in the league is a breath of fresh air for the citizens of Phoenix. Actually, for everyone involved in the sim league as well. Bobby Jones and John Williamson are the two big timers on this suns roster and they may have the most generic names known to man. I’m going to assume Bobby Jones is the golf legend as well. Versatility baby. I had a buddy who used to call this Frank Ocean album “Baby Making Music” and I have to concur with that assessment.
Portland Trailblazers
GM Duc
Song: Chromeo – Jealous
Why- I don’t know if it really fits, but right now I love this song and I love how Duc has built the trailblazers. Bill Walton is a super duper star that makes any team a contender and Duc has done a pretty good job of surrounding him with a solid ensemble. John Shumate is a nice PF with an attractive contract. If Duc can retain Walton this team could be contending at the top for the foreseeable future. I’ve had a sweet spot for Chromeo since they were on FIFA 2011 (I Think.) I first heard this song driving to Asheville a few weeks ago, which led to me promptly downloading it off of iTunes (which I never do) and playing it ad nausem on the drive back to PA.
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